Letters to my soul

Why did you leave me...

My hands were covered in blood. His blood.

I was shaking. Shaking so hard.

My eyes daring to stay open, but wanting to close and block out the nightmare. The tragedy called reality.

His body laid on the table and ironically he was smiling while I was crying my eyes out because a part of me died that day. My soul was missing and I was yearning for it back.

Give me back my loverman..

I miss him..

A month has passed:

Dear Ash,

Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me alone in this cruel world? Wasn't I good enough for you? I wanted to help you. 

I wanted to see you grow old beside me and walk around New York like we always do. I want you to smile and laugh at my accent while I try to improve my english.

 I want you to congratulate me, I want to hold you. Comfort you in my arms everytime it gets hard.

 I wish I could have whisked you away from America and bring you to Japan where life might have been easier for you. 

Who am I kidding? 

You were never happy.

 And the times you smiled was only when the stress of being in charge came off your shoulders and only just for a moment you forgot about your position, your past, your enemies. You smiled big, proud as if you were a caged bird free.

 I wish I could have made you happy..tell me Ash, you smiled when I last saw you. Why? Clutching my letters with your numb bloody hands, you bore a smile. Please tell me... a whisper, a sign. Can't you? Just answer me.

It's too hard to write anymore..

I love you always.

~Eiji