Shelly

Chapter 6: my desperate plea

Abruptly the dam wall came down. "Mummy" burst from my lips and I fell into her arms sobbing uncontrollably. And then the story started tumbling out, mostly from Lorna who had tears running down her pretty cheeks as I kept burying my face into my mother's bosom.

Finally Mum interrupted. "I will have to get the full details in due course." She lifted my face up and looked kindly into my eyes.

"And where do we go from here, Shelly? Where do you want to go?"

I didn't understand and tried to bury my face again, but she wouldn't let me. "I mean, is Shelly just a passing fancy and likely to disappear in a few weeks or months?"

I heard a sharp intake of breath from Lorna and I looked at my mother in horror. The thought of no more Shelly, no more girl stuff was frightening. "No, Mum, please, please don't make Shelly go away, please."

"I won't make Shelly go away, but will you?"

The thought was absurd. "Never, Mummy, never"

My mother was looking directly into my eyes, loving but shrewd. "Who is Shelly? Tell me who she is?"

"Shelly is me, Mum. I'm Shelly"

"And where has Micky gone? What has happened to him?"

I was fumbling, confused but determined to save Shelly at all cost. "Poor Micky. Oh, poor Micky. He has grown up into Shelly. He's become Shelly. I think he's glad. I know he's glad. He wants to be Shelly. Mummy, what am I going to do?"

"Are you sure that that is what you want? To be a girl, not a boy. To live as a girl? Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I want to be Shelly, I want to be a girl, to always be a girl." As I said these words, I realised (or admitted to myself) for the first time, that this was what I really wanted, what I truly wanted. To become a girl and live the rest of my life as a girl.

My mother hugged me to her and let out her breath in a big whoosh.

"Well, this is going to be one whooper of a family conference. What the Hell, let's go boots and all. Shelly, try to stop crying sweetheart. Remember, your father and I love you and Lorna totally. We will stand by you, we will stand up for you always. Lona, tidy her up will you please dear. Perhaps, a little make-up to hide the tear traces."

Mum looked at my sister, "Maybe some for you too."

She got up and I heard her say under her breath - "and me as well".

"I'm going to ring Dad and tell him to expect a rather big surprise when he arrives home, but not what that surprise is," she said with a comic rueful twist of her mouth.

"Mummy, I'm scared," I burst out.

"We all are a bit, sweetie. But it's going to be alright. It will be alright."