my red head Giulia x reader

too fast?

Y/N pov
A soft creaking noise creeped into my ears as I slowly opened the door. The feeling of their lips still fresh on my lips. My heart was still racing and my cheeks were still burning red. 
As soon as my feet hit the wooden floors in our new house, I could see my mom sitting at the table with a finger over her mouth telling me to say quiet. I quickly nodded before slowly closing the door behind me. She only smiles before slowly getting up and walking towards me. Her feet hitting the floor all so gently trying to not make a single noise. Her fingers gently glided through my hair before giving me a small kiss on the forehead. "You Dad is home and he is very tired so just head to your room and you can see him in the morning" she whispered looking into my eyes. A soft smile formed from her lips that followed her eyes. Her eyes were soft yet so tired as dark circles started to form under her eyes. "Okay mom goodnight" I whispered back before kissing her forehead and heading up the stairs. As I reached the second floor if you can even call it that. It was more like an attic that was filled with half empty boxes of my belongings. I never bothered to fully unbox my thing because before I knew it we would be leaving again. Just remembering that crushed my heart and made my stomach twisted into many knots. As their faces glowed in my memory my heart felt like it was slowly breaking. The warmth of their lips is still fresh in my mind. The way that their eyes sparkle in the dancing of the sun as it slowly goes to rest. The way they stand in front of me with such bravery. They stood up for me when no one ever has before. The sound of her voice as she spoke to him with such anger but not yelling. 
At that moment they confess to having feelings for me as their faces glow red. I loved and hated thinking about their confession. I love that they like me back and that it is not all for show but… I wish they didn't like me. I don't want to leave them in a few months with a broken heart. I want to be with them and to kiss them more and to hold their hands in front of everyone not caring who sees. At the same time I don't want my heart to break even more than it already has been. 
I let out a shaky breath as my eyes started to burn. My lips start to quiver as my breath starts to get cut short as they become small sobs. The world slowly became blurry as tears filled my eyes. "I don't want to go," I whispered to myself, my voice cracking in-between words. I pull my knees up to my chest before wrapping my arms around them. Slowly my arms started having small water drops before they rolled down. A cold sweat ran down my shaky back making me remember my missing jacket. I quickly wiped my eyes as I sniffled. Trying to get rid of the streaks, off my tears stained cheeks before crawling over to my bed. 
My head hit the soft pillows as tears were still running down my face. Slowly my shaky hands grabbed my blanket before pulling it over my body. The weight of the blanket felt soothing and made me feel slightly better. "Tomorrow is a new day" I mumbled to myself before wiping my tear filled eyes one last time. 

I'm not sure how long I've been up here hiding away from the world. My eyes are still puffy red from last night. I can't imagine seeing Giulia after that, I need to make these feelings stop. I don't want to get hurt again. I refuse too. 
I guided my fingers through my hair before taking a deep breath. "I guess I will just hide up here forever" I said to myself, my voice breaking slightly from a lack of talking today. I could only sigh at the pathetic sound as I ran my fingers down the wooden floor. Following the curves of the wood pattern as it twists and turns. Taking note of the texture of the wood as it was rough in some areas and soother in others. My thoughts of the wood were interrupted by a knocking on the front door. Fear yet curiosity filled my body as I slowly got closer to the door to the attic to hear what was going to be said downstairs. Not long after the knock the creaky door filled the house followed by my mothers voice. "Hey there, is there something I can help you with?" My mother asked in a honey sweet voice sounding a little fake. "Yeah actually, is Y/N home?" An all too familiar voice rang, making my heart drop to my stomach. "No. No,no, why is she here?" I mumbled to myself before crawling back on my bed and covering myself with a blanket like a little kid hiding from the monster in their closet. "Oh yes they are! They are in their room" my mother pointed out in an all too excited voice. My cheek started to burn and my stomach was turning. Becoming knots as I could hear Giulia footsteps get closer to my room. Panic ran all through my body covering every inch of it. My heart was racing and my head was spinning. My breath sped up and became a lot shorter. "Y/N?" A voice came from behind me, making me almost cry at the sound. "What's wrong?" She asked me, her voice filled with worry as she stepped closer. I wanted to say something but it felt like my throat was closed off, like something was tied around it. Making them be met by silence that soon filled the room. "Did you not like the kiss, did I go too fast?"