𝐔𝐍𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 || 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘤

i'm just existing || chapter 8

Brigette's POV

I turned towards Y/B/F, who looked regretful. I wrapped my hands around my mug filled with coffee and took a sip. The silence was deafening and awkward.

"I'm going to check up on Y/N," I said, breaking the silence. Y/B/F nodded solemnly. "Hey, don't beat yourself up about it, okay?"

Their face lightened up a bit and they nodded slightly. I climbed the stairs to Y/N's room, and through the door, I heard loud, choked-up sobs. My heart broke at the sound of Y/N crying. I knocked gently, and the sound of sobbing stopped immediately.

"G-Go away," Y/N commanded from the other side of the door.

"Why don't we talk it out, Y/N/N?" I suggested and she didn't reply. "I'm going to take that as a yes."

I opened the door and found Y/N laying on her bed looking at me with her bloodshot eyes. Her eyes and cheeks were puffy and pink, and somehow she still looked pretty. A stray tear cheek fell down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. I sat down next to her and she immediately hugged me. I hugged her back and her tears soaked through my tank top and onto my shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"No," Y/N responded immediately. "It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that... it's complicated,"

"So, when you said your love life was complicated, he's the reason why?" I asked. Y/N nodded.

"He's an ex. He's out of my life, but he can't get the memo and I hate it. His determination is his strength and weakness," Y/N explained. I nodded in understanding and rubbed Y/N's back.

"It's going to be okay. I know it doesn't feel like it, but I promise that it'll be okay," I reassured and Y/N sobbed louder.

I leaned against her bed frame as her head lay on my chest. I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through her hair while humming a tune I heard from somewhere. I didn't know how long I laid there with her, but soon enough she quietened down and soft snores escaped her mouth. I sighed softly and kissed the crown of Y/N's head. Soon, my eyes fluttered closed and I too fell asleep.

Y/N's POV

My pillow was moving. I quickly sat upright and to see what was going on and I found Brigette. They were sleeping. They looked so peaceful. They snored a little bit and there was drool coming out of their mouth. I climbed out of the bed as stealthily as I could and sneaked my way down to my office.

It was a mess, especially in the last few days. My trash can was filled to the brim with scrunched-up paper, and my poor journal was ripped apart from all the pages I scoured from its bindings.

I slumped into my office chair and turned on my PC. It was one o'clock in the afternoon and I sighed. A half a day went by. All because of my little tantrum. I opened my empty Word document and began typing. It wasn't even related to my book. It was all nonsense that popped into my head.

Each sentence left me angrier and angrier until I was basically bashing my fingers against the keyboard in anger. Angry tears streaked my face and at this point, I don't even know why I was angry.

Maybe it's because I can't write. Or maybe it's because I can't even stand up to my ex-boyfriend. Maybe it's because I feel like a fraud. I don't deserve to be famous. This role needs to be for someone else. This is too much. I don't deserve this. I don't deserv-

"Hey, hey, hey," suddenly a pair of soft calloused hands pried my angry fingers from the keyboard. It was Brigette. I could tell. I didn't even have to turn around to see. I could smell them. They smelled of dandelions or some other flower I couldn't think of. But it was calming.

"Woah," Brigette muttered as they looked at the screen.

It was the same sentence. Written over and over and over.

I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. 

It hurt my brain to see the same sentence repeated over and over again. Or maybe my head hurt because it was true. I am a failure.

"Do you- do you think you're a failure, Y/N/N?" Brigette asked as they bent to get to my eye level.

"Maybe. I don't know, it's just I can't control my life and it's exhausting," I sighed and laid my forehead on Brigette's shoulder and they rubbed my back and kissed my head.

"You can't control your life all the time, Y/N/N, sometimes it's okay to be out of control, it's the only way you can find what it means to be in control," Brigette said. They stood up and lifted me up with them.

"You're right. But sometimes it feels like I'm just existing and it's boring and sometimes I don't want to exist-"

"Hey," Brigette snapped, "No. That's not how we're talking about ourselves. Not today. Not ever. I'm so glad you exist, Y/N/N. You're the best things that has happened to me and it hurts to hear you talking about yourself like that."

I took a deep breath and looked into Brigette's eyes. Oh my god their eyes are so fucking pretty. My eyes wandered to their lips. I leaned in and there it was: the blissful feeling of Brigette's lips on mine. Their hands grabbed my waist and I cupped their face into my hands, deepening the kiss.

We hesitantly pulled apart and I found myself staring into her eyes yet again.

"That's one of the reasons I'm glad you exist," Brigette said before placing a short sweet kiss on my forehead. "Want some tea?"

I nodded. Brigette smiled and grabbed my hand and off to the kitchen we went.

Maybe just existing wouldn't be so bad after all, especially if I have Brigette on my side.