The Greatest Story Never Told

Chapter 14 - My Misery Gets Refunded

Eventually the flaws became a problem beween Carol and I. I was beginning to stuggle with the whole 'her job is off limits and her family wasn't pro-black' thing. It became a thorn as hard as I tried to overlook it. It remained the pink elephant in the room. I was beginning to fail at moving product as I targeted the white neighborhoods where the money was, touring Mahopac, Pelham Manor, Scarsdale, Golden's Bridge, and Cold Springs. A black guy in wealthy neighborhoods selling filet mignon and jumbo shrimp appeared to paint me as a crook with a stolen truck selling stolen goods. I was getting the door slammed in my face, something I wasn't experiencing when Carol rode shotgun with me.

I kept trying and eventually started to give up. It wasn't working. I revised my plan and targeted black and latino hoods, but money was scarce and everyone started asking for credit or wanted food fronted until next week which I counldn't risk. Soon, my driving aimlessly around found me touring Corona Queens. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I knew nothing about people, places and things back then. As I drove through 103rd looking for familar faces I came across one of my old smoking buddies. His name was Carmelo aka Snake. Aside from being a smoker, Snake was also a black belt 7th dan. I watched him kick ass just like Bruce Lee did in 103rd Street Park whenever people irked him. He was glad to see me.

I found a place to park the truck and had a few beers with him as I filled him in on all that happened since last seeing him. The thing about Snake was, while we smoked he always told me I was too good to be out there. He used to always tell me to go home. I'd run with him for a full week with no sleep for either of us. We talked, drank and remininsced. Soon the beer had me buzzed and put me at risk of the dreaded pipe. I decided to bail before I gave in to the need for speed. I went home to Carol not mentioning my whereabouts. I visited Snake a few more times just talking and drinking. But, and addict can only do that for so long before the one that is the one calls... If you're not done, you'll do one and when you do one, you're done! I would learned that the hard way.

Another visit, and then the blast and life would eventually hand me back my misery, with interest. I managed to go home afterwards, I still had the truck and cargo, so I went home. Carol was waiting up for me. I told her that since I was branching out to find money it wasn't working out, tolls and gas were killing me. I was like a dog chasing his tail. I told her I didnt want to do cold sales anymore, so we returned the truck after she helped me unload the last of the product. Now, I was home all day everyday, while her limo would pick her up and take her to Wall Street. I started getting really bored. I was home all day with the animals, and I got the crazy idea that that was what I had become, just another pet of hers. I had $3000 in cash socked away from sales. I rarely brought myself anything with the money I made. So, it accumulated.

One morning after feeding the pets, I thought about Queens, Metro-North was just a few blocks from the condo. The rest was surreal, I was on the train, headed for Corona, my soul screamed the whole ride there. My conscience started telling me I was crazy to leave Carol. But, it was too late, the craving became full blown. I arrived in Corona barely able to breathe and looked up Snake. We copped a shitload of Bazooka and I took a hotel room to avoid Officer Roberts, who Snake informed me was alive and well.

 What followed was a two week binge, without me going home or calling Carol. The guilt had me smoking recklessly, I had a fucking death wish. Every blast, I saw her face. I saw Aida's face, my mother's face, Herbert's face and yeah, Sally's face. I couldn't face Carol after this. I stayed in Queens for two full weeks without calling her...until I bottomed out. I called her, and asked for help. She came to my rescue, driving from the safety of White Plains, to the danger zone of Corona and the land of the base heads.

She nursed me back to health, taking a week off from work, to feed me, cry, love me, cry, sleep with her leg over me to prevent me from leaving. This puts purple tears in my eyes. What man would be willing to destroy an angel? Two weeks later I was with Snake again for another two week run. I called Carol again for help. I was slayed!  Again, she rescued me. This happened three more times finally breaking her. Herein lies the greatest act of love I've ever known. Carol woke me up on a Sunday morning to go for a drive, which we both loved to do. We hit the open road taking in the sights, listening to the radio. It was serene and we had the sun in our faces. 

She drove up a winding hill, through a series of big trees and we found ouselves on a mountain top. We walked over to this big overhang taking in the view, you could clearly see New York City from up high. She came into my arms and said, 'I love you David, more than you'll ever know.' I said the same thing to her and aplogized for all that happened. As we were talking, I heard a voice behind me say, 'So, you're David right?' I turned to see who utttered those words. Oddly, it was monk, a friar in a brown robe and a huge crucifix around his neck. I told him who I was. As he engaged me in conversation, he said the following words, and I will never forget them, 'See, New York City in the distance? You can either return there and die, or stay here and fight for your life.' As he said this, Carol took off in her car. I stood there in shock as the car sped down the hill. He then said, 'Welcome to Saint Christopher's David.' It was a long term rehab. I stayed, what choice did I have. I never saw or heard from Carol again. 

One of the greatest regrets of my adult life is that Carol never got to see where I'm at today. Today I'm 20 years sober and a credentialed alcohol and substance abuse counselor, a CASAC  for The State of New York, but that's a later tale that will be told... A lot happened prior to the epiphany that eventually let to recovery and a newfound hope.