The Greatest Story Never Told

Chapter 21 - The Dark Passenger Revealed

After Kareem was born, and being out on full disabilty due to the car accident, with redisual emotions on how things between Shirley and I ended, and now reverting back to heavy weed smoking, I winded up in a dark place. A place that smoking seven blunts a day and drinking a case of Heineken or Presidente a day wasn't seeing me through. Sure, Kareem's birth was awesome, I was a first time dad. Those first few months were all a new father could ask for. I'd show him to everybody I knew, and they all went nuts seeing The Seed. This point of my life was beautiful, a true bright spot.

Kareem almost didn't make it into this world. He came in on a close call. When he was moments away from being born, with Sheila under anesthesia and knocked out, the attending physician discovered that Kareem was in big trouble. He was a very active baby while inside of his mother, so much so that in all of his activity in the womb he managed to get his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. Soon, he was dying, being strangulated to death by the very thing that had once fed him! The physican turned to me and said, 'Look, your child is in trouble and his mother is unconscious, in order to save this baby we'll have to get him out via C-Section. She's out, what do you want to do?' Sheila was the kind of woman that took great pride in her body. I had to make a tough decision. I said, 'Let's get him out, she's gonna be pissed though.' He cut Kareem out and after pulling him out I was shocked to see the physician carrying a blue baby high in the air. Soon, Kareem, all covered in gunk started crying. He had arrived, the hard way...

In retrospect, I would never have believed that I would wind up in a psychiatric hospital. But, darkness came, a deep depression, with zero energy to engage life or responsibility. Up until then, I never even heard of psychotropic medication, let alone the term Mental Health Services. Somewhere along the line, I bugged out! I found myself under a 72-hour involuntary hold, and woke up in a rubber room. I do remember laying on the cold rubber mats, and I know this might sound crazy, but while laying there I kept hearing the bongitty bong of African Drums, over and over again, loud and clear, relentlessly. No matter which way I turned, bongitty bong, bongitty bong with no end. It was fucked up! I was fucked up! Knowing and believing that the dead watch over the living, I know that Sally cried up in heaven seeing me in that shape. All of the rigors of life had finally taken its toll on me. The years of harsh realities had finally caught up to me.

Sheila had to focus on raising her daughter and Kareem, I was where I needed to be and getting the treatment that I needed to find out why I bugged out. After being assessed by the treatment team at The Pomona Mental Health Crisis Unit, they discovered that I had Bi-Polar Disorder. I was started on a series of meds, and at first I was having bad reactions to some of them. Depakote made my tongue swell making talking difficult. How the fuck was I supposed to engage in 'talk therapy' if I couldn't speak? Other meds had me too zonked out to function. I told the mental health provider that I felt like I was on Zombinol! Finally, a working regimen was implemented. But, because I was now a mental health patient that had been hospitalized for two and a half months, they recommended that I don't go back home, so they referred me to a mental health community residence for further outpatient treatment to get me back in shape. Just before I was discharged, I got a suprise visit. It was Shirley, she heard what had happened and came to check up on me. 

I was now a resident at Loeb House in Mount Ivy New York after discharge, putting me 20 minutesaway from Sheila and Kareem. She brought the baby to see me while I was there. It was tough. The meds ballooned my weight. I went in weighing 190 pounds and came out weighing 290 pounds!  After being there all involved agreed that it would be best if I stayed at Loeb until I made some more progress. I winded up at Loeb House for 6 months and was then referred to the less intensive level of care and sent to their apartment program. Soon, I was doing well enough to start job hunting. I was feeling much better, had clarity again, and my capacity to perform and function was back. I handed a job at Tops for Tots in Spring Valley New York as an after-school tutor for kids from the first grade to the sixth grade. I was helping them do their homework and providing fun-filled recreational activities. I fell in love with them and they with me. I remained in contact with Sheila and Kareem and they'd come visit me from time to time, at home and at work. Things were starting to look up...