OK hi this is a chapter and it discusses sensitive topics such as suicide so trigger warning ⚠️Suicide, Body Image, Self harm⚠️
So I recently found something on my calendar from couple years ago. Which made me remember how fucking depressed and suicidle wanting self harm but not. My little 8 year old self was. I found this
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yay. In first grade I cried myself to sleep thought about making cuts, thought nobody loved me,Had heavy thought of suicide and hated my body.Why the fuck was an 8 year old thinking this shit I have no idea.Back then I was so innocent I had longer hair, I didn't swear, I didn't know anything about gayness Now we have present day me who: Self harms,Is Very gay, Suicidal, Shorter hair which I constantly dye. As well as I am anything but innocent. Also I thought of a really fucked up way of offing myself but that is something for another time.
Still on the topic of suicide I know this person who is very casual in the way that they talk about suicide which I know makes me and other people very uncomfortable. Me because suicide is a very hard topic for me to talk about because of the fact that more often then not I think about offing myself. But talking about it to strangers on the internet is easier. We have the Suicide prevention hotline ( 1 800-273-8255) on the back of my school name tags and there was this kid when the teacher was explaining why we have it on the back and then this kid started talking about like when the Hotline can't stop people from attempting it and then they really casually said 'I'm gonna be the first one to stump them' and my first thoughts were A. Dude that us not funny more something to joke about and B.You would not be the first person to stump them. thousands of people call every day and many of them don't live or they go through with there attempt and do live.
It is pretty easy for me to talk about my sexuality to my close friends but talking about self harm and suicide is way harder because if that topic. Somehow nobody has noticed the very prominent scars or if they have they don't mention it and multiple times I have almost let it slip. Also what is the best way to tell your partner your suicidal?
