After I Killed Myself

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up
Lying on the same bed where I did before
These four walls which saw the worst parts of my life,didn't matter anymore.
I got up from my bed,
But strange part about it was that,it wasn't like it used to be,every morning
It felt like any other usual day of my life but.......it was different.

The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love
Not with any fictional character of wondrous fantasy books.
Not with the person I wish I could've met who would make my life a better place.But.....
I fell in love with my mother who sat beside someone who looked exactly like me,sleeping peacefully without any worries.
My mother wept and wept until loud crying turned into silent sobbing.
I fell in love with my father who stood silently leaning against the wall with folded hands and stared blankly at the ground.
His tear stained cheeks were clearly visible and for the first time ever,he didn't feel the urge to hide it from the world.
I fell in love with my brother,my pet peeve,who sat in one corner and hid his face with his bent knees.
Somehow blaming himself for all of it.
Still trying to convince himself I was still alive.

The morning after I killed myself,I felt free
For the first time there was no one to stop me,
I could go anywhere,anytime without any hindrance
But this freedom had no value.
It didn't feel the way I wished,the joy I thought it would bring to me.
I wondered whether it would've been the same if I was still alive......
For sure circumstances would have been different
But I couldn't go back to experience it...

The morning after I killed myself, I saw the world.
I saw the real beauty of the world.
How beautiful was my natural surrounding!
A dog passing down the street wagging its tail,
The orange beam of light coloring the sky during sunset,
The kids playing with an old worn out ball,their laughters and giggles filling up my eardrums....
But it was too late....I wished I could've seen this side of the world earlier,
When I was alive.......

The morning after I killed myself,I tried to unkill myself
But I couldn't finish what I started.

                  _____________________