Saturn Gardens (Loki Laufeyson x wife!Reader)

Chapter I: Since you're gone

Your fingers calmly slip through the book pages you're reading. The faint light that escapes through the clouds and into your bedroom provides enough light to see what you're reading. Not that it matters anyhow, your mind is somewhere else. Somewhere distant, old and familiar. Somewhere you wished to be right now.

Your lips met the cold glass of wine you've been drinking for the past twenty minutes, and your gaze drifts to the large landscape in front of your eyes. The sizeable windows made it possible to see almost of all the meadow and the trees in the background, some people would contemplate this beautiful view, but you thought it felt lonely. Empty. Voidless.

A soft and pale mist had fallen upon the land due to it being early hours in the morning. No birds were singing, no animal was in sight, just you and the current book that lays in your hand. You'd grown to enjoy silence, but this silence was restless.

Sighing, you stood up from your white chair and placed the glass of wine on the table. Dressing your Indigo blue robe, you made your way to the kitchen. This would be the second time you'd leave your bedroom since you woke up, first one was to get wine. What would your mother say to you, if she saw the horrible state you were in?

"You look like a widow, for fuck's sake (Y/N)!"

That's because you are one, indeed. Or were you wrong? You and Loki never married, even though you'd spoken about it a few times. This house, this stupiditly huge and modern mansion, was all that was left for you. Tony Stark offered it to you and the trickster God, according to him as a "offer of good will and peace" but it was honestly because your previous home burned down and you didn't have the money for another one. Tony, as the rich friend of the group, decided to be a gentle soul and get it for you.

You opened your fridge, which used to be filled with all kinds of food, but now there's barely enough for dinner. Your stomach is empty, it craves for food, but your heart is too heavy to think about it. Your feet felt chilly on the black mosaic floor tiles, and it reminded you that you aren't wearing any socks. You glance down to your feet, your mind drifting off once again and you lose track of the time you spent staring down.

The black tiles are ice cold and hurt your feet, they decor the floor of all house, minus the bathroom; in which the floor's tiles are white instead of black. Sometimes you get tired of the colour pattern; Black and white.

In the walls, in the floors, in the roof...Sometimes it was too much, sometimes it was too little. Maybe you should repaint them. Maybe you shouldn't.

Loki complained about them sometimes, he said they should be green and golden. You had no idea if he was being serious at the time. He never was much for decor, he said he wanted you to decor it at your taste; he'd love anything you love.

He was always like that.

He was.

He is like that

"What should I eat today, love?" You whispered to no-one. Your eyes shifted to the kitchen's balcony and stared at the Narcissus flowers on the small plant vase. Narcissus flowers are native to Europe, Asia and North Africa, there's more than 100 species of the plant and they were one of Loki's gifts to you. They are some of the first to bloom in the early spring, announcing the end of winter, which you found incredibly cute in a way. They came from the Greek word "Narke", which meant numbness, and ironically how you felt right now.

They also symbolize rebirth and new beginnings. Was this the Universe sending you a message? Telling you that it's finally time to move on?

You dragged your feet to the couch and drowned yourself on the pillows. Everything felt cold, no matter how many lays of clothing you'd wear, it felt cold nevertheless. Maybe it was coming from inside you, the emptiness had consumed you to the point nothing warm would take that effect away.

Your phone rang, and rang, and rang. You grunted and covered your head with a pillow, hoping to muffle out the annoying sound. But it didn't seem to stop no matter how much you tried.

So you finally answered it.

"(Y/N)?"

Natasha.

"(Y/N)? Can you hear me?"

Yes. I'm still here.

"(Y/N), could you please come by the Avengers tower? We need to talk, it's important."

Why?

"Please, " She pleaded, "Come meet me."

You looked at your phone for a while once silence remained. It seems neither you or Natasha knew what to say to each other. The silence remained for a long while that you even had doubts if she was still on the call.

"Do you want me to order something to your house? Are you in need of anything, (Y/N)?"

Yes.

"Do you know who you are?"

Yes.

"Do you know where you are?"

Yes.

"Do you want to keep living this way?"

A sudden sound woke you from your thoughts and startled you. Your eyes scammed the living room and saw there was no sign of threat, then you took a glimpse of your phone's screen.

Natasha - Call ended 10 minutes ago

Great, you were hearing voices now. How quite. She did asked you to go by the Avengers Tower, didn't she? Maybe you should go. It's been almost three years since Loki died, and two years since you closed yourself from everyone and everything. It's been a while since you've stepped foot outside your house or your lands.

Again, you dragged your feet relutanctly to your bedroom and stared at the mirror. The reflection of yourself was sad, to say the least. How did you break down so easily? How did you allow yourself to break this way?

"Do you think I should go, Loki?" You asked in a whisper while staring at a empty spot of the room. Silence.

"You're right." A tiny smile formed on your lips, "As always."

Your body always worked in autopilot. Even if your mind was somewhere else, your body took a shower and grabbed the first outfit in hand. Your hands were cold, once in contact with your skin.

Wet and cold like an abandoned dog in a rainy street.

You frowned slightly at the thought and realized you were dressed, heavens know for how long. Did your mind wander off again? Great. It has been like this a long while, no matter how many pills or medication you took, you began to forget things. Names. Places. Memories. It's like your body wasn't your own anymore, just a robot moving in autopilot. You wrote down notes about your favourite memories with Loki, as you didn't want to forget them. You missed his (surprisingly) warm hands, his deep grey eyes, or his charming smile. You missed running your hands through his hair while you both layed in front of the fireplace, books in hand.

You grabbed a framed picture of the Avengers together and noticed a strange detail. Your face was blurred out. You blinked once and twice, but it didn't go away. Was it always like this? Maybe it was and you forgot. Maybe a photo error, or it's simply dirty. Just that.

Placing the picture down, you stared again at a empty spot of the bedroom, "I'll be back soon, my love."

Your steps felt heavy on the floor, like no matter how much you'd walk, the exit door seemed to be distancing itself. By the time your hands grabbed the door knob, you were out of breath. I-just-ran-a-marathon out of breath.

The wind outside was refreshing, in a way. It felt different, lighter even. You closed your eyes to feel the breeze blow through you, just for a single moment. Then you heard a bird sing, just on top of the tree in front of your house. You weakly smiled and waved at it, then you entered your car.

The trip to the Avengers Tower was quiet and peacefully calm. Leaving your house, you didn't notice the dark silhouette standing on the living room's window, watching you from afar or the strange amount of ravens taking shelther in the same tree of the singing bird.