A smile in purgatory 火海一笑 (BxB)

This is my excited face

(Week 5, Saturday morning)

When Yang Yang called, Simon answered. But he refused to share Hanson's address. "I'll go with you guys, otherwise I'm not giving out his address. I don't trust Tony, he always makes bad things worse."

And so they agreed to go together.

As soon as Simon hung up the phone with Yang Yang, his phone rang again.

"Hello?" Simon answered.

He couldn't believe what he just heard on the phone. After the conversation, he quickly dialed Yang Yang and cancelled the apology visit.

~ ~

(Week 5, Friday night)

After Hanson cleaned his shirt in the Ginger club's bathroom, he returned to his guard duty and saw Tony's shoes still on the grounds. They looked brand new, so he picked them up and put them in the trunk of his car. He didn't really know what he planned to do with them.

His shift ended at midnight, and he drove home.

And then went straight to bed.

But he could not sleep that night. Most of his adult life, he slept through the night. After tossing and turning in bed for about 2 hours, he decided to just get up.

~ ~

(Week 5, Saturday 2 am)

Once the parental meet-and-greets ended during his teenage years, he learned to accept that he would be alone for the rest of his life, and so he embraced his dark fate, facing it with one feeling: indifference.

However every so often, there were situations that would bring out his inner turmoil, and those would develop into emotions, usually expressed as spurts of fury and rage. To tame his anger, he discovered that taking deep breaths and maintaining a forever monotonous tone helped a lot.

Unfortunately during the past month, he noticed that his anger issues have gotten worse. He never gave it much thought though.

Until tonight.

Why does Simon have the ability to irritate him so much? At work, not at work. In the car, at the office. While eating dinner, while walking Ziggy. Why did Hanson struggle to maintain indifference whenever he's around Simon? Why did the man's every word, every move, every facial expression, easily break through the emotional wall Hanson took decades to build?

And then, there was what Tony said. How Simon had an above average IQ but struggled to learn after his concussion.

Hanson always thought that God had forsaken him a long time ago, perhaps since the day he was born. But tonight, hearing what Tony said, he realized that God had not been kind to Simon either. Like him, Simon was abandoned by his family, but he did not stop loving and trusting others because of that. He believed in friendship, he adored his dog, he was happy and full of life, despite all the hardships. Why couldn't Hanson do that so bravely too? Compared to Simon, yes indeed Hanson was abandoned by his family but at least he did not lose the ability to learn. He had a degree in computer engineering. He learned kickboxing. He could read. He was successful in his career. He made a good living. Yet, he felt that life was not fair to him all this time, until tonight. Tonight, he realized that life had been more unfair to Simon than to him. Yet Simon remained positive, hopeful, and ... humanly, while Hanson opted for a life void of positivity, hope, or any kind of human relations.

He had to finally admit, that he did not have Simon's courage. Just as Tony said.

Perhaps he should learn a few things from Simon.

When Simon was offered lifelong disability payments, he turned it down, choosing to work minimum wage jobs than to accept handouts. Yet, Hanson applied for and accepted financial aid to help pay some of his education. All of a sudden, he had to accept the truth that Simon was definitely stronger than him, mentally, emotionally.