chasing after you // rafe cameron

nine

"but you were the only safe haven that i've known" - Lost Without You by Freya Ridings .

*trigger waring: heavy drinking*

Ashley and I stay out by the pool, watching Rafe walk towards us. I don't say anything as Rafe walks by me and he chooses not to say anything other then greeting the two of us with hi as he walks in the backdoor.

"are you going to talk to him? I can always leave." Ashley says, looking towards me. I shrug, laying back down on my chair, putting my sunglasses back on and take a sip of my drink.

"I know I should probably talk to him, but sometimes I just want him to wonder what I am thinking. I always forgive him and come back, but sometimes I want him to just sit with his own choices." Ashley nods at what I am saying.

"I understand what you mean Alyssa. I think that you guys are endgame, you know I believe that. I just think that he needs to understand how his choices affect you so negatively" I nod, thinking about her words.

"I know. I do really need to express how his actions are affecting not only me but our relationship but it's hard for me to not cave into it with him. I love him so dearly and the connection we have is.. exactly how you described it, endgame." I can feel myself becoming emotional thinking about it.

Ashley moves forward in her seat and reaches her hand out towards mine in my seat, touching my leg trying to comfort me. "Alyssa, I am here for you always and I love Rafe too, but you need to tell Rafe what you need if you want this relationship to work." I nod.

I breathe out and sit up straight in my chair. "I should probably go talk to him." Ashley nods, laying back in her chair. "I can't drive so I'll just make myself at home and sleep in my bedroom upstairs" I nod, leaning down hug her goodbye.

I stumble my way into the house, the amount of alcohol I have consumed showing it's effects now that I am standing up. I still have a whiteclaw in one hand, a juul in between my fingers and my phone in the other hand.

I walk through the house, walking past my dad as I walk up the stairs. My dad just looks at me, the can in my hand and turns to walk the other way. "Ashley's spending the night." My dad nods, walking into his office.

I stumble my way up the stairs, having to hold the railing with my hand that is holding my phone. I walk down the hallway towards my bedroom, seeing the door open slightly. I push the door open. I hear the shower running in the bathroom and I shut the door behind me.

I sit down on the end of the bed, taking another sip of my whiteclaw, knowing that I don't need need anymore drinks, but still take one.

I start scrolling through my instagram seeing photos from friends and famous people. I scroll through my feed, liking random photos from random people, never really looking at the photos. I tap through the stories, never actually watching any of them. I finish the drink in my hand and stand up, walking towards my desk where I leave the empty drink.

I walk towards the mini fridge in the corner of my room opening it and looking at all the alcoholic options I have to choose from. I grab the twisted tea and open it before closing the mini fridge. I walk back to my spot on the bed, the shower still going.

I continue to mindlessly scroll through the social media apps, opening snapchat to see several notifications from Topper. I click on the chat and see messages from him talking about how he thinks Sarah is cheating on him with John B.

I ignore them, swiping out of the chat and closing the app. I lock my phone and drop it next to me, sighing as I take another drink. The only sound in my bedroom is the shower, soft sounds of music playing in the bathroom and my labored breathing from my drinking.

I finish another drink, immediately setting it down and grabbing another although I can barely see at this point. I have easily had 8 drinks since the country club earlier. Ashley and I came back and starting drinking pretty heavily.

I open the drink and take a sip, setting it down on my bedside table, throwing my phone next to it which creates a loud noise when the phone hits the table. I laugh softly to the commotion I just created and slip out of my sandals.

I hear the shower turn off and the song playing loudly through the bathroom now that the shower is not drowning out the noise. I remove the many pillows from the made bed, tossing them onto the floor next to me.

"Alyssa" Rafe's deep voice sends shivers down my spine, him now standing behind me. I turn around slowly, seeing him standing there in only a pair of basketball shorts. I bite my lip at the sight of his abs.

"I am sorry baby. I know that my actions effect you and I need to think before I just do shit, but lately my anger has been overtaking me again." I immediately remember his actions on the golf course with Pope.

"I just need you to know that I love you, but when you behave like this, it makes things more complicated then they need to be Rafe." he just nods. I am not sure how much of what I am saying is actually coherent, hut from his response I believe I am playing off how drunk I am .

Rafe leans down to kiss me. When he pulls he away, he stays inches away from my face and whispers, "how much have you had to drink?" I roll my eyes, knowing he caught me.

"too much" I admit, knowing that I can't hide it from him. I would be throwing up in little to no time from now. I never could handle my alcohol very well, yet I always drank. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism. Rafe has cocaine and I have alcohol.

"I figured, I can almost taste the twisted tea on your breathe babygirl." I suddenly feel slightly ashamed of how much I have had to drink, but Rafe grabs me by my waist, pulling me even closer than before.

"I never said it was a bad thing babe." I laugh awkwardly at his words, trying to calm myself down now that I know he isn't mad that I am drunk.

"you know Rafe." I say, biting my lip slightly.

"what baby?" he questions, still standing only inches away from my face. "you are really fucking hot" I say dragging my fingertips over his abs, smirking at him while doing it.

"I could say the same thing about you mama" he smirks down at me, pulling his lower lip in between his teeth before smashing his lips on mine.

                                Authors Note

as I was re-reading and writing this chapter I realized that I have ALREADY WRITTEN THE POPE AND JJ SINKING TOPPERS BOAT SCENE. *face palm* Instead of going back and rewriting this chapter and the previous ones, I am choosing to keep this HUGE hiccup inside the story and continue on from here. I promise I won't repeat themes from here on out. (my fault for having so many rafe stories that follow the plot line....)

next chapter will have some smut in it since most of you said you were okay with smut. I don't have an issue writing it, so I am going to add it to the story <3 thanks for being patient as i am dumb as shit lol