Changed || discontinued

Monster

"The devil is real. And he's not some little red man with horns and tail. He can be beautiful. Because he's a fallen angel. And he used to be god's favorite" - AHS Season 1

Lucy-
Matt and I's relationship was once perfect. Once upon a time.

I guess you could say that I did have my fairy tale moments with Matt but now everything has changed.

He isn't the same Matt that he used to be. He seems so different. I know about his personality disorder and I try to help him out as much as I can but he just won't let me.

He feels like he should be the one holding me and protecting me but I refuse every time. He doesn't know that I know but I do hear him cry every night whispering to himself that he is a freak or monster.

In my mind he isn't a monster and if he was then all monsters are human. All monsters were once humans and normal people and Matt is still normal to me.

He isn't a monster or freak. He is just Matt.

I feel so bad because I know that he is broken and very emotional and I can't do anything about it except help give him is pills.

The worst thing that I have ever heard him say was that he was the devil. That time I couldn't just sit there and ignore it like I usually would. This time I sat up which scared him because he thought I was asleep.

I tried telling him many times that he isn't even close to being the devil. No where even near that but he wouldn't listen to me and started saying that the voices were telling him that he was the devil. Eventually he did start hyperventilating and had a panic attack.

I heard that while someone is having a panic attack they should hold their breath. So I just decided to kiss him.

I kissed him with all the love I had for him. He tensed up at first but after he held me by my hips and kissed me back.

When we finally had pulled away he looked at me with those big brown eyes and swollen lips and just stared at me while I stared back at him.

"L-Lucy I-I'm sorry" he finally stuttered out.

"No no" I shushed him. "it's okay Matt"

"No it's not" he shook his head. I was still on top of him and he still had his hands in my hips. He rubbed his hands up me and down my back while licking his lips.

"I love you" he looked up at me with pleading eyes. I gasped quietly. This was the first time he had said those words since he had be diagnosed with DID.

"I love you too Matt" I said back as a single tear escaped. I don't know why I was crying. Maybe it was because I felt like this was a break through for us.

He hugged me as I hugged him back and we fell asleep that way. Wrapped up in each other's arms.

"Matt" I yell as I set the groceries down on the table.

Today is one of those good days that Matt has most of the time. He does have bad days and such but I always try to calm him down.

"Yes" he smiled at me wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

I love when he holds me like this. It makes me think back to the old times when everything was just fine. I'm not saying that since Matt has been diagnosed with a personality disorder my life has changed in so many ways. No, I'm saying that not everything was so complicated a few years ago.

We were just happy teenagers not really giving a care in the world about anyone or anything. Our main focus was on each other.

But now that's different. We have both fully experienced what it's like to be an adult and I don't know about Matt but from my experience, I want to be a kid again.