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Mistakes

"We all make mistakes, we all have struggles and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future." - Steve Maraboli

Matthew -

"I have made mistakes in the past and I do still continue to make them. But it just seems like every time I do make them I feel like I disappoint Lucy every time" I sigh looking up at the ceiling of the therapists room. I've only been to this therapist for about three months but I've grown pretty close to Jeremy, my therapist. Usually Lucy would come with me today but she said she has to run some errands.

"And what makes you think that you are disappointing her?" He questions me.

"Honestly" I sigh, "I don't know. There is just this feeling that I have whenever I make a mistake that I'm letting her down. When that feeling comes to me I immediately try my best to treat Lucy better.

"I see, maybe try talking to her when you feel like you've failed her or made a mistake." Jeremy said looking up from what he was writing down on his clip board.

"It's hard to talk to Lucy about my feelings. I just feel like she would judge me." My eyes averted from Jeremy.

"If Lucy really cared about you she wouldn't dare judge or blame you for your disorder Matt." Jeremy said.

I guess he was some what right. "Looks like our time is up for today, I'll see next week maybe with Lucy." Jeremy glanced down at his watch that was wrapped around his left wrist.

I got up from the chair I was sitting in and walked out the door heading downstairs to where my car was.

Thinking back of what Jeremy said that, maybe I should start talking to Lucy about my problems, I took his words into consideration.

On the way back to the apartment I couldn't get Jeremy's words out my head. They kept replaying in the back of my head like a record player.

It made me mad, frustrating you might even say. My hands tightly gripped the steering wheel and I pressed down hard on the gas pedal.

Running a red light I lost control and spun out doing a 360 and crashing into a black Range Rover. Moments later I heard sirens coming towards the scene.

My head was spinning, red and black blotches were in every direction I looked at. "Sir, stay with us." A fireman said but to me it came out more like a whisper.

"I-I need air!" I screamed. Please not other panic attack. "We need to get him out this car quick!" He yelled to another fireman. They got me out my damaged car in a matter of minutes.

I blinked a few times regaining my vision and seeing my worst nightmare. I saw Lucy lying down on a stretcher. Cuts decorated her face and bruises were sketched all across her arms.

"No!" I screamed in horror. This can't be happening. I crashed into Lucy. "Sir please calm down and come with us you need help and we'll give it to you." The first firemen that helped me said.

"Let me go! I need to see her! Please!" I cried begging to see Lucy. "She's getting rushed to the hospital." He firmly said.

She can't be dead. I thought to myself. I could and would never forgive myself if she is. It would be haunt me forever knowing that I killed the one I loved. Even if she isn't dead, this is the worst mistake I have ever made.

_

At the hospital the nurse checked me for any concussions or stuff similar to that, apparently I was fine. I honestly didn't care though, I only cared about Lucy at the moment.

"You're good to go." The nurse smiled at me but I didn't return it. I walked out into the waiting room so I can search for Lucy's room. "Uh hello I'm looking for Lucy Jones." I said tapping my fingers nervously on the cold counter.

"She's in room 34 on floor 5. Oh and what's your name sir?" The lady raised her brows at me. "I'm Matthew Espinosa, her boyfriend." I say trying to force a small smile.

She looked me up and down pointing her finger in the direction of the elevator indicating for me to go.

Moments later I was at the 5th floor searching for room 34 where my angel was. I got there opening the door to a nurse. When the nurse saw me she smiled leaving me to have some privacy with Lucy.

Honestly I didn't know really what to say. She looked at me, confusion swimming around in her hazel green eyes. "Uh hi Lucy." I whispered taking her fingers into my mine.

She flinched away. "I'm sorry." I said holding back angry and sad tears. I was angry at myself for putting her into all of this.

"I thought I was going to die Matt." She whispered taking my hands back into hers fiddling with them like she use to. "I'm sorry Lucy. I truly am, and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for doing this to you." I say looking at her.

Even with the scratch marks and almost fading bruises, she was still so beautiful and captivating to look at. "What made you crash into me?" Lucy asked her voice cracking.

"I-I lost control. My a-anger took over me." I said biting down on my lip. "Listen Matt, I know you have your personality disorder and all, but I-i just thought that you had more control than that. I thought you were getting better" Lucy said.

Was Lucy blaming my disorder for all of this? I mean, I guess she does have a point but just like Jeremy said if she really cared about me she wouldn't blame or judge me for my disorder.

"So what are you trying to say?! That my disorder is the cause of this!" I yell standing up. "M-Matt please don't scream my head is killing me. I'm not blaming you for anything because I know that it's not your fault. I'm just saying that I thought you had more control over your other personality" her voice turns into a whisper towards the end of her sentence.

"Lucy, I-I'm sorry." I say the only words that I am able to process right now. I honestly have no words. I have once again disappointed her.

"Matt I just- I don't know anymore. I'm gonna be in her for awhile and in the time I want you to do one thing." She says nervously.

"Anything, anything baby what is it" I say going down on my knees and gently hold her hand.

"Please get better. I know that's a lot to ask for but I just really want you to get better just a little bit" she smiles a little.

"I promise, I promise that I will try to get better for you. For you." I say kissing her knuckles and rubbing my thumb over them gently. "I love you Lucy" I finally say.

"I love you too Matt" she smiles at me fully showing her true beautiful smile.

I finally leave the hospital room and walk down the halls through the door, into the parking lot where my car is.

As I sit in my car I start think. How am I going to fix my worst mistake in only a week?
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Hey guys! So most of this chapter was written by Recklessxmess but I had to edit it a lot because there was a little bit too much of aggressiveness in it so yeah but tell me how you like it.
Byee ~India 💕😊