If someone said something while I was on my way to do a thing. I wouldn't do it, I would refrain myself, pack up and leave. no matter how much I wanted to do. I freaking hate this so much. The hell am I gonna do after this? can't even fucking think straight after someone says you're this or that. Where has my optimistic self gone? protagonist? more like a crybaby who always whines, crying in front of the computer while typing this down. no matter if I tried my best, managed my time, did my studies, completed my work, people want their thing to be done or to be seen at a moment. they want me to do it their way.
I am sitting in front of my computer, crying through my makeup, removed my new t-shirt, and canceled shooting a small dance sequence. my mom asked me if I don't plan to study and said I'm just doing nothing and shooting videos nowadays. my marks are good, I complete my portions, eat, and even taught my brother. then why the fuck are they angry at me? not only mom, everyone. I even feel the lifeless moisturizer bottle in front of me judges me and think why I am so pathetic. I try to be strict on myself but I just fail. I end up crying to sleep every day even if I am happy. U know what? I'm gonna do it. if I can sit and cry, I can finish a classical dance step. it might be different but dancing is dancing. And this time my arising cramps, mom, bro or even me won't stop it. 9:57 September 19, 2021.
