I usually wrote on the walls. And then my face, and just laughed at my pathetic self. The vivid sketch of the life I dreamt of started fading. Trapped in many others' dreams, expectations were high than what I could do with all I had. High hopes and high dreams were passed onto me, someone who never even knew how to console herself when she was criticized, even a bit. The frustrations are higher than the intended anger we all have. Same as mine.
Probably it's not just me who smiled at the mirror saying everything will be alright soon and this is just a dark day. Tears trickling down the red cheeks and mouth in a straight line almost representing a small smile. The sophistication we felt in those moments. Laughable. It's more like a joke for us, as most of them went up more messed up than ever and those who were favored by will got better (or that is what we thought .) Hiding those pain within and putting a sweet smile and extroverted behavior. A strong person or a weak crybaby as in parents' words And from the pillow's side, not both, but a person who deserves and deserved the world.
Well rejecting yourself as a whole is better than accepting some part is an unwritten rule for us. Those reading might not but those feeling might relate isn't it?
They tend to prefer it as asking for attention or lying to be famous. Oh dear, we have a lot more to lie about and make stories so that we would be known around the school and get the "attention" and "obsession" from students
The dear words of our friends calling us rude and mean hurt more than it ever does when a stranger calls u a slut. It feels kind of numb now, thinking of all we have been through that's nothing but just drops that made a bigger ocean. All those who I wished were good for me, I messed them up more than I ever could, making them feel burdened and worse than ever. Well if u can relate, I say we could be nice friends, having each other back but never getting closer as all we do is comfort each other not being there for each other like friends or family do. And to all those people ever in need of someone, there happens to be no one and only person to rely on become themselves and pretty much understandable as people don't need anyone more than themselves nowadays.
Author: part 2 is about self-harm and suicidal thoughts, and also mentions bullying.... keep smiling!!! byeeee
