If I Stay { Hayes Grier }

Chapter 18

My fingernails dug deeper into my palms, leaving painful purple crescrens across them.
I spent my first day in the mental hospital remembering that day. Racking my brain until I recalled every last detail. I saw her hanging for that rope, there was no mistaking it. And every night when I would turn on the TV mounted to the wall across from my bed, I would watch her face fill the screen, a school photo from two years ago.
I shifted uncomfortably in the plastic fold up chair, before me sat Defective Sangria.
"Do you remember what happened that night?" He asked
I shook my head. "Not really, some things come back."
"A lot of things happened all at once, do you have any ideas why?"
I thought about this. I remember the day before, Nash telling me to get my sad ass out of bed, we were having a movie night. I instinctively declined, and continued to stare at my wall.
But sitting in the uncomfortable fold up chair, it didn't seem like this was what the detective really wanted to hear.
"I don't know." I said.
"Wanna take a guess?"
I shrugged. "I wouldn't know, she would know. But you can't ask her because she's missing. Maybe her mother would know."
"Dead, she's dead. And I've questioned her mother already." He checked some notes in a notebook that he'd produced from out of no where.
"Do you have any involvement with her disappearance?"
"No."
"I don't think that's true."
"It's the truth," I said. "I didn't know she was planning any of this."
He stood up suddenly, motioning me to get up as well.
"I'll keep in touch." I nodded, he opened the door and walked out.
I sat in silence.
I hadn't noticed but I was shaking, my whole body was covered in goosebumps. The police thought I helped her disappear, which I obviously didn't. But I had the upper hand, well sort of, I know she's alive.
And for me that enough to keep me going.
I thought about calling her back, finding out more. But I could tell she wasn't in the position to talk about it, and she definitely did not want to be found. I stood up from that stupid chair and walk out the door, I was met with a large hallway, filled with doors.
I hope this is all worth it, saving her.
It better be.