By this point everyone in school knows me. I was the one people went to when they had an issue at home or with a bully. I talked, I listened, I understood. I knew what people felt, thought, and did by talking to them for less than 15 minutes. Even though I listened, no one listened to me. At this point I've had a mental break down. The voice is getting too constant, from the moment I wake up I hear it till I calm myself down. I wrote, poems. I sang, my emotions. I scratched at my forearms till the pain went away. I cleaned or walked till I was too tired to feel anything. I had friends but they mistaked my pain for the need to hurt. I had to show I wasn't what they feared. I was desperate to. I helped everyone I could, I became a role model, I protected, I taught, I did everything I could think of. The voice undid it every time. When it speaks now it drives me to a level of anger I can't control. Everyone tried to be my friend, because they were afraid. I had a single person who didn't get the hint though. He learned after a while once he saw my break down.
I broke in the middle of class. Three. Three real friends. The ones that actually helped. I cried clutching my ears quietly repeating the words shut up for about 25 minutes. They were at my side trying to calm me down. At least they cared.
I hurt one of them. He still cared.
I hurt another. She still stayed
I hurt again. She left.
The bully left me alone after knowing I was willing to hurt even my friends. I regretted it, yet they forgave me.
The voice couldn't effect me anymore. I found my safe place. My two friends. I was able to be safe again.
Until I moved...and lost my only protection.
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My Painful Insanity
Não FicçãoBefore I tell you people anything I want to let you know this is not fake and even with that being said, I don't need or want anyone's sympathy. This is me telling a group of non believers what it's like to feel like you're going insane. I've always...
