[ ✓ ] O P E N
A story is like an evermore gemstone. Beautiful and crisp. Crafted to look brilliant in light and darkness. But, who does the crafting? Who enhances the beauty of these gems? Gemcutters do.
Our skilled editors will edit your book just...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
client : -sarcasticchica- editor : ineedutoomuch chapters edited : all (3) focus : general line editing feedback : While editing your short story, I noticed a few different things that I would like to bring your attention to.
But before anything else, I have to commend you on the theme. Wow. How did you come up with it? Everything works so perfectly! Lili and Ash's mutual understanding and bond actually make sense, character backstories are touching yet apt, and the overall message is really meaningful. I am literally so impressed. Props to you!
Regarding the grammar, however, I did notice a few inconsistencies throughout the text. Allow me to guide you through all the suggestions I have to improve your story!
***
— You already know this, but... tenses! Check your tenses!
Although I could tell that the story was supposed to be in past tense, it was quite erratic, and there were whole POVs in a different tense which left me confused.
Based on what I saw, I think you sometimes just forget what tense you're writing in, because the slip-ups come more in bigger chunks than tiny inconsistencies. In the future, I'd suggest reading over what you have so far before jumping into another writing session. This way, you're reminded of the tense and get a feel for which one you should be writing in.
Please pay special attention to this! It's really jarring to the reader when they're thrown into the present or past without warning, haha.
— Just another spoonful of description can make your writing so much more vivid!
This is a bit of an unusual case. In many works I've read and edited, the habit is to dump a truckload of detail on the reader and leave them to drown, but your writing leans more to the concise side.
Actually, this is good! It keeps the story moving and gets your message across without being verbose. Honestly, I'd rather you be slightly terse than wordy, because then I can actually understandwhat you're trying to say.
However, once it reaches a certain point, it starts reading like a shopping list. It's not extreme in your writing, but I found that I was having trouble visualizing what was happening at times.
For example, the saving-the-junior scene.
There was no info on what the sound was like, so I couldn't tell why Lili was curious about it. The lack of clarification about the pool being outdoor/indoor made it hard to picture the setting as well. And the word "harassing" being the only thing describing Jessica's behavior was way too vague. I'm glad you changed it, but be aware of this when you write!
