Thunderstorms ||minchan ff

First attempt

Chan POV
„Hey Chan, good morning. Here is your breakfast." Felix said and handed me my muesli.
It's been a week since I moved to him and Changbin. One week of me lying, eating, and throwing up. No one noticed so far, but it was a lot more stressful and I was so exhausted. But I had to pretend. They are so happy and I don't want to ruin that. I already am a burden so...

I started eating still slowly but I ate. Changbin sat down infront of me. I hated the looks people who knew gave me when I ate.
School had also been better. I still didn't talk to Minho or Hyunjin, but Mr. T is sick so I didn't had to eat there, so I could eat with the others and then go to the bathroom, to you know...
I finished eating and went upstairs to the former guestroom, now my room. I had a bathroom for myself so I went inside of it and closed the door. I walked over to the toilet, and kneeled down infront of it. It was a movement my body had already remembered...
When I had finished, my breath was unsteady I was crying and shaking and my throat was so sore. I washed my face with cold water, brushed my teeth and got ready gor school.
It was monday and I had math in my First period. I entered the room and sat down in the back. Hyunjin and Minho infront of me, since the incident I don't want to sit next to them during class.
The first periods had passed and I was currently sitting at a table during lunch. Mr T. stepped to our table, to my disappointment. I was hoping he would still be sick.
„Oh hello Mr. T !" Felix said happy and kind like always.
„I just wanted Chan and Minho to come with me." he looked at me but I broke the contact, still I stood up and followed him and Minho, ignoring the others questioning stares.
„So Chan. First of all I'm sorry I wasn't here lest week. Did anything happen?" so I told him. Not everything tho. Just that I moved in with Felix and Changbin.
„That sounds like great news. Then now to the more unpleasant things. I want you to step on the scale again." I shook my head.
No
If I would weigh myself now, everybody would know, I lied about eating. And Felix would be so disappointed...
„Chan, you have to! Remember our conversation? Now, step onto the scale." he said with a tone, that wouldn't pass any contradiction. I slowly started to take of my clothes. First my jacket. Then my hoodie, my sweatshirt and my shirt. Then my shoes and finally my pants. I hated to take them off. I could feel Minho staring and I panicked.
Why does he stare at me like this?
Does he think I'm fat?
He does, cause I am fat...
„Hey Channie, please calm down." Minho had come close. „It's ok. I'm here. Just step on the scale." he actually helped me a lot with his words, so I walked over to Mr. T and his scale. I stepped onto it, but didn't dare to look down.
It felt like hours until I could step down the scale and got dressed again. I saw Mr. T's reaction to my weight and it was obviously a bad one.
Did I gain weight ?
Was I now even fatter than before?
But I ate so little...
But still to much...
„Chan? You have to eat now. I brought you a little portion of ramen, please try to eat as much as you can."
I gulped, sat down and took a deep breath. It didn't help at all...
I took the chopsticks and started to shake. I was too overwhelmed by everything. The food, the smell, the calories...
„I can't do this!" I said and wanted to sprint out the office, but two strong arms wrapped around my torso and held me back.
„Chan you need to calm down, you can do it I'm always here for you." Minho whispered in my ear, and I could feel a tear run down my face, again.
He slowly guided me back to the chair, sat down and placed me on his lap. He was warm and I felt so comfortable, until he took the chopsticks and started feeding me. I slowly opened my mouth and after a lot of chewing I swallowed. It was brilliant, but I didn't deserve the food. Minho continued. The thoughts of calories were to much and after the fifth time I couldn't eat anymore. I shook my head.
„I'm full." I said, voice filled with guilt. Minho looked at me concerned but Mr. T seemed pleasant. „Alright Chan, no problem."
It was a problem
I ate too much
I don't deserve the food...
The urge to just throw it all up rised inside of me. My stomach turned and I felt nauseous.
„I need to-" I couldn't even finish the sentence when I jumped up and stormed out the room. I sprinted to the bathroom, fell down onto my knees infront of a toilet and immediately I felt the liquid rush out of me. It was sour and felt so disgusting, but not as disgusting as keeping it all inside. I just finished as I heard the door open and somebody entering. I quickly flushed the toilet and cleaned my moth with a piece of toilet paper. But for anything else I was just too exhausted...
„Oh no!" I heard Minhos disappointed voice. He entered the stall and sat down next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me onto his lap, placed my head on his chest and started to draw small circles onto my back. I had started crying a little bit.
It was just to much, I didn't want all of that, I wanted to get better, to be strong and happy again...

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An:
Hey guys :)
I know it took me too long, I'm truly sorry , but I hope you liked this chapter.
Please take care of yourself and for those of you who struggle to eat please try at least.
C🌻