How // jalex

Prologue

I tried.

I really tried.

It's just.. theres no warmth. Anywhere.

My mom hugged me. My dad was there for me. Yet I'm still stuck here searching for something. something that doesn't exist anymore.

My life is fine. Yes I lost my brother, yes I was bullied throughout highschool, yes I feel abandoned by everyone, but that stuff happens to millions of people. and only some of them become addicts. Guess im just special.

Some people say to try yoga, eat better, get a hobby. But thats bullshit. I cant get out of bed without promise of heroin, so how do you expect me to do fucking yoga??

My last councilor told me im depressed. Im not. yea I get depressed, but thats only when im sober. He's a drug councilor and he can't even figure out that im only "depressed" because of the heroin. Its not the other way around.

Aahh yes, heroin. The worst and best thing that has ever happened to me. I dont want to do it, ever. but.. I do.

One month ago I was content with my sober status. Filling out job applications, looking at apartments. I was set to move out of my parents place and finally live.

Two weeks ago my sister left a joint out in her room. I went in there to get a t-shirt but left with the worst statement stuck circling my mind.
"Its not a big deal."

Three hours ago I was left alone with too much money and a pounding headache.

Thats why I'm walking through the rainy streets of Baltimore.

It was the best when I was 14 and broke my arm. The doctors thought it'd be fine to give me morphine, what idiots. I still have scars from that break, what a start to a fabulous trend.

It was the worst when I was shivering on the front porch of my best friend's house, screaming, crying, and begging him to take me to my dealer. That was the second time I got put into rehab.

He doesn't talk to me much anymore, which is for the best. I promised him I would get better. I tried, Rian.

I wipe the tears from my eyes, re-forgetting the lost friend. I take deep breath of the rain soaked air in an attempt to cleanse my soul. Just to dirty it again.

This is my breaking point I guess.. three months of sobriety down the drain. pfft!! I say three months like thats a long time.. I'm pathetic. I ruined it all with that joint anyway.

a huff escapes my mouth as I approach the all too familiar door, the blue paint chipping off and the out of commission doorbell. A knock is all it takes anyway.

no going back now.

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HELLO!!! this is my first jalex so go easy on me.
the uploading will be really random so sorry in advance lol..
this fic has a lot of strong themes and is going to be really serious and heavy, so beware. I hope u enjoy it! Have fun!
live laugh love and all that...