EreMika oneshot - book (Eren x Mikasa aot)

The monster inside me

TW

*Mikasa POV*

Sweat dripped from my forehead, and with deep breaths I tried to calm my trembling body.
With a firm grip that almost hurt, I clung to the handle of the knife I was holding.

I did it. I did it again.
My darkest side had taken control of my body. I was a victim of my darkest urges and I succumbed to sin. The sin called jealousy.
I wiped the blood from my cheek that had splashed on my face. My gaze sank to the dead body infront of me.

I dropped the knife, I knew it was stupid and could possibly be my undoing.
But I didn't cared at this point.
The euphoria that I just felt was gone and a deep lack of emotion spread inside me.

I took a cloth out of my pocket and wiped my hands clean.

Then I took out my phone and selected a contact number.
My hand shook while I put the phone to my ear.

A few seconds passed and it felt like minutes.
Damn it..Answer already..!

"Hello, Mikasa?"

Thank God!
"Armin, please pick me up .."

"What? Where are you and what happened? You sound panicking."
I heard the worry in my best friend's voice and a pain went through my heart.

"It's alright! Please just pick me up, I'll send you my location"
I hung up.

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.
Then I left the apartment in which I had just been. Not without forgetting to turn off the lights that were still burning in the rooms.

Out on the street, I sat on the side of the road.
Now it was time to wait without going crazy.
I touched my forehead, my head hurt, a thousand thoughts went through my head - but in the end only the loudest of them strayed.
What have I done?

*Flashback*

"MIKASA, CALM DOWN!"
He yelled at me, I winced.
Then he took me in his arms.

"D-Don't touch me Eren"
I whispered and pushed him away from me.
Still, his touch had calmed me and I got a clear thought.

"Eren look me in my eyes, please don't lie to me, is she really just a friend?"
I felt my heart beat faster with tension and fear and it felt like it was going to explode.
The thought of Eren falling in love with another woman made me sick.

"Of course she's just a friend! I've been saying that the whole time but you don't want to listen to me!"

A wave of relief passed through me that almost made me pass out.
If that was the truth, everything was alright.
Eren would never lie to me, right?

*Flashback end*

How could I be so wrong? I knew people couldn't be trusted but Eren?
Was I so wrong about him?
The image of Eren and Historia became visible again in my mind, them together laughing. Them so close together..
He hasn't been so happy with me for a long time.

Was it maybe me?
He deserved the best, but maybe I couldn't give him that.
No...
That wasn't fair!
He was mine! I was obsessed with him.
I would do everything to by with him.
And I would kill for him.

'𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭'

I put my arms around my body, it wasn't cold outside but why did it still felt like it was the middle of a winter night?
I looked up at the night sky, the moon looked so beautiful that night, that didn't fit this situation at all.
The night air tasted so clear, normally i would enjoy that.
I looked impatiently at the street again.
There weren't many cars that drove tonight, but I still panicked with every car that drove past me.