Ranger's Apprentice: The Tantalizing Tales

Calm and steady

On a particularly bad day, Will comes looking for Halt, only to find a new ally in Pauline. 

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The knocking on the door was soft, yet urgent. It was the knocking of a person who needed to see someone, now, yet didn't want to be a bother. For some reason, Pauline knew that it was Will.

And indeed, when the door opened, it revealed a young man, barely reaching his thirties, his thick brown hair ruffled. A bunch of snowflakes crowned his head, the first signs that winter had almost reached Redmont. An apologetic smile flashed, faltered, was recovered, and the tremble in the young Ranger's voice was almost - almost - unnoticeable when he spoke.

"Is- is Halt here?"

Pauline had been trained to read body language, even of those who kept it as hidden as Rangers did. On top of that, she'd known - or at least seen - Will since the day Halt had arrived with the little bundle of joy in his arms. And the way the young Ranger stood now, back straight yet with shoulders that seemed to carry the world, told her that something was wrong.

She closed her book, not even bothering to find a bookmark, and pushed it to the side. She leaned forward on her elbows.

"Arald called him up some hours ago. Something about a lord up north refusing to pay taxes. Anything I can do?"

Will was biting his lip, she noticed. He still hadn't revealed more of himself than snowy hair and a pink nose. Melted snow was running down his rosy cheeks and his eyes still glimmered from the cold. But was it truly the cold? Was it the cold that made him shiver?

He sighed. It was a deep, exhausted sigh. "No, that's okay. I just came to- I don't know, I'll just, I'll..." His voice trailed off and a hand appeared from behind the door just so he could bite his nails.

"Will?" she asked, her voice calm and steady. He looked up, his eyes wide opened and pupils large. She met his gaze. Calm and steady, for that was all she had to offer. Hopefully, it would be enough.

"Is that blood, that's running down your arm?"

Silence. Then, when the words seemed to have been processed-

"Oh! It's just..." Will hesitated, and Pauline waited. Waited for him to take the initiative, for him to put words to thoughts that were forming in his mind. She waited for him to admit what he didn't want to admit.

"I- I... I accidentally cut myself and it needs stitches and I didn't want to bother the medical staff, so I just thought- maybe Halt..." The words were flowing out faster than the Tarbus flowed on a stormy night and still she caught the lies before they were fully formed.

The cut hadn't been accidental. And Will hadn't come to find Halt because he didn't want to bother the medical staff. He had come here instead of the hospital wing because the nurses wouldn't have asked how he'd cut himself. Halt would've. And her husband wouldn't have asked Are you okay? like the nurses would have. He wouldn't have asked the young Ranger a question that he couldn't answer and so she wouldn't either.

"Why don't you come on in and I'll take a look at it? Halt's not the only inhabitant of this apartment with medical skills, you know."

Will frowned, hesitated, and Pauline smiled softly. "You'd be surprised at the true extent of a Courier's skillset."

Finally, Will moved, out of the hallway and into the apartment. His shirt was stained, and ripped where the sharp blade of a knife, specially forged for the Rangers, had gone through. As he took off his cloak, she pulled out the medical kit and saw him looking at the warmweed ointment. She didn't use it.

As she knotted the last of the bandages together, Pauline eyed the young man that had come to mean so much to her and her husband. Will was still looking at the warmweed ointment. Even as she put it back and moved it out of sight, she could tell that he was aware of its existence. More than anything she wanted to pull him towards her, wrap her arms around his shoulders and hug him tight. But she'd taken what Halt had told her years ago to heart and gave him his space. So she just sat there. Calm and steady.

Eventually, Will spoke. His voice was empty and yet the words were loaded with meaning and emotions and regrets.

"I didn't mean to, you know. It just sort of... happened."

Again she waited. No questions asked. No explanations demanded. Calmly and steadily, Pauline waited for him to say what he wanted to say, nothing more, nothing less. After a few moments, Will continued.

"I really was doing better. But then... then the snow came and-, and... I could feel myself sinking back and I, I can't, I, I just can't sink back. Not again. Not again." He swallowed, but the lump in his throat didn't disappear.

"And I remembered how pain used to be the only thing that could get me out of there, that could wake me, and then suddenly the pain was there, it was real and when I looked down I had a knife in my one hand and blood on the other... I didn't know where else to go." The panic in his voice subdued as exhaustion took its place. When he spoke again, it was barely a whisper.

"I'm just so, so tired."

Pauline smiled at him. It was a sad smile, one that she didn't hide from him.

"I know," she said softly.

That last acknowledgement seemed to break him and Pauline felt that she could move closer. Slowly, she did, and Will leaned against her, his bandaged arm pulled up to his chest. She stroked his hair, didn't say anything. There was nothing for her to say. Nothing she could say. Pauline knew her way with words, but no words would make up for the horrors that had befallen him. No words would close the wounds on his skin. No words would heal the scars on his soul.

So she just held him. Held him as the sobs forced their way out. Held him as memories never forgotten overflowed. Held him as he finally fell asleep.

Pauline was still holding him when it became dark outside. And when Halt returned, she was still holding him.

Calm and steady.