Bold Love

Chapter 19 - Panic attack

Warning: Panic attack, minor self-harm

Y/N's POV

The loud ringing of my phone drags me out of my sleep, my head feeling heavy at the sudden interrupting in the early morning hours.

With a numb hand I search for my phone, eyes still closed, not ready to face the bright light in the room.

"Hello?" I answer the phone with a sleep drunken voice.

"Honey, I miss youuu." A shrill voice answers me, my muscles tensing automatically.

"Mom?" I gulp, brows furrowing together.
"Are you drunk?"

"Mhm...maybe." She giggles, confirming my assumption.

I take in a deep breath, eyes searching for my alarm clock beside my bed. "It's seven in the morning."

"And? Something wrong with that?" She asks with a hard tone, making my stomach clench.

"It-"

She doesn't let me finish, interrupting me with a loud voice. "You working hard? You getting good grades in class?"

I sigh. "I'm trying my best, yes, mother."

"Trying is not enough. You need to be the best, you hear me?," she says bluntly, "After last year I expect you to be more industrious, so you won't be a disappointment to your family again."

I close my eyes. "I keep that in mind. Alright... I'm going to go."

"What? Why? Where are you going?"

"I need to go to college, and you are yelling in my ear-"

"Watch your mouth, y/n. No need to be rude to your mother."

My throat begins to close up. "I'm not being rude, I just-"

"Don't talk back to me. Why are you behaving like this, picking a fight with your mother? I didn't raise you like this."

You didn't raise me at all.

"I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk back to you." My heart hammers against my ribs.

"You lying like you always do. Do you think I'm that dumb to believe you? All that comes out of your mouth is bullshit."

My nails dig painfully in my palms. "I'm apologizing to you-"

"Don't talk to me like you're my therapist. You think you're better than me? Acting like you're somehow above me? Listen carefully, y/n, you're not."

I hold in my breath, not daring to make a sound. I can't cry before her, it will only make me seem more weak. Like I'm still a helpless child.

"You're nothing."

Unable to take it any longer, I hang up, letting the phone drop into my lap, hands shaking uncontrollably.

God, it hurts. When will I learn that she doesn't care about me like I still want her to? Why do I still try to make it work?

~

I stare into nothingness, the hours passing by in a rush. The phone call replaying in the back of my mind, not wanting to stop even though I try to block every emotion out of my heart. I don't socialize with anyone, head turned downwards staring at my notebook, the black ink swimming together into a dark sea behind my eyes.

The sound of Ms Hathaway clapping her hands together to announce the end of the lessons yanks me abruptly out of my thoughts.

"Alright everybody, so as you all know your first exams will be held next week. I believe with a little work, it's possible to get a high grade, so don't be nervous about it." She mentions with a reassuring voice, leaning against her desk with her hands clasped together.