FLORAISON

Chapter-13》

29.09.2016

Two days.. Its been two whole since that incident and I still feel sick thinking of them. I have been dodging Jolene's calls since that day. I have never had to hide something from her before. This time I don't have the courage and I don't know if its my place to tell. The thing is though, Jolene isn't the one I feel most guilty for. Isn't that crazy? I feel guilty and sad for VIHAAN , a guy I barely know.

The thing is I have to face Yug again. I can't continue hiding from him and probably should tell him about this. Should I...?

What do you think diary lady? I am going to imagine you as a lady who knows everything. Why you ask.. Because I need answers and you give them to me. And I do think you are right. I shouldn't tell anyone. I shouldn't have been there in the first place though. Who am I to judge people..? Anyways to be honest I have been good over all. How do you Yuv must be. Wish I could call him up and ask. Lets say I did... What would I say to him?

Hey Yuvi, what's up?? I miss you and I love you.. and he would just hang up or just say fuck off. I hate that I am away from him. I hate that I can't see him ever again. When did things become so complicated? I do love him you know.. I miss him and love him every second. GOD!! I am so pathetic when it comes to him.

Anyways, I have the worst cramps today. I hate it!! I hate it soooo much!!!!! I don't like moving from my bed in periods and my mum is making me go to school and how lovely is that we have an all white dress today! I don't get it. I have already changed pads almost like 3 times from morning 5 o' clock. I really don't want to go. Lets go make one last plead like dad says to our supreme court. Anyways.. See you soon diary lady..\

Bisous! (a French word I learned today.. meaning Kisses and I love it so much)
Avu,

"Maaaaa.. Maaaa.. I physically can't move. Please just dont ask me to go to school today.. Its an all white dress.
Just a day off please."

"Nope!! 70% attendance is compulsory and you will need those holidays at the end of the year. Just go to school. Don't be a kid. Every girl has periods and its not a big deal so just deal with it and move on with your day. I am tired of your behavior Avya!"

"GOD!! You are impossible and no every woman does not have period, MOM!"

"Yeah yeah you have got a large tongue to speak now right, GO TO YOUR SCHOOL!!"

I cannot make her understand this ever. My PCOD was first diagnosed in 8th grade.

Mom: Why aren't you asking for pads from me?

Avya: Oh for what?

Mom: For periods?

Avya: Oh I don't get them anymore. Like you said.. mine are finished I guess.

Mom: WHAT??

Avya: Yeah I don't..

Mom: Since when did this happen? Why haven't you told me. What the hell Avya. You don't understand how big of a problem it is. You are so young. Oh my god! This .. oh no...

And then the Doctor said....

Doctor: Oh my God!! A year? She hasn't been getting periods for a year and you as a mother didn't notice? How can you people be so irresponsible? SHE HAS A BIG CYST! You need to start exercising young woman. Lose your weight! Take these pills and they will help your periods.

Pills.. so the pills worked but..... I kind off can't have periods if don't take the pill and when I do.. its terrible. Feels like the dam has broken and the water that was being held rushes out and drags all the dam shit with it. Its safe to say that I have a very unfriendly menstrual cycle and today is my first day. How did I land myself here in BEHS and also side note cycling is not a good idea on your periods. My mom thinks I should not put anything in my vagina before marriage so No to menstrual cups or tampons. And pads don't really sync with your crotch while cycling. This is my fucking disaster of the day.

As I enter the hallway, I am put immediately under mental pressure too. This day can't get fucking better!

"Hey.. how're you feeling? Is everything okay Avya? You ditched me in Computer and then acted so wierd all of a sudden. Are you thinking I am hitting on you or something??" Yug blurts out infront of me in a single breath.

"Wait a second.. what? I was just worried for my classes.. I have to be some where now.. I will see you later okay? we will properly talk about this." I say while gesturing towards the hallway.

The first thing I do is go to the washroom to check how bad it is and its BAD!!

Ugh...Its terrible here. Red everywhere.

"FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUUUUUUUCKK.."

I changed my pad and tried to put some white chalk on my skirt in hopes of covering up the red stain but its too much damage was done. God this is a nightmare. I missed the whole first period today just inside the washroom. I need help. I will have to call someone. Soumya picked up on the 2nd ring.

"Where are you?? Are you bunking? With whom? Is it some senior? Yug said you came to school.. where did you go?"

"I really need your help. I have periods and my skirt got ruined I tried to wash it away but it got wet completely. I tried putting some chalk but its not working. What do I do?"

"Oh Shit! Okay wait.. I am going to do something"

She brought me a school shirt that was kept in school for some reason. I wrapped it around my waist and we went back to class.

If I had the strength I would fucking melt myself.. It felt so embarrassing, the whole fucking thing was a nightmare.

I was 11 when I got my first periods and never in my life I had been so embarrased. Everyone knew. Why can't I breathe? Oh god! I can't breathe. I can feel my whole body burning and I can't breathe...

"Avya? Avyaa?? Hey.. hey calm down.. look at my hands.. please calm down.. heyyy.. just breathe in .. and Out.. slowly.. yes there it is.. relax its okay.. don't worry .. its okay!!" Soumya said holding my hands which were shivering.

"I feel so.. I .." 

"I know. No one knows.. Its okay! okay?" Soumya says holding Avya's hands.

"okay.."

I somehow  managed to survive but the cramps made it real. I couldn't remove my hands from my stomach. I wanted to eat something during break but I felt stuck. I felt if I moved a Inch my pain would increase and it happened if I changed my sitting posture , it happened if I wasn't curving myself up.

Soumya brought me some food but it hurt so much to move. I ate some and then I decided to go back home then.

30.09.2016

All I ever wanted was to delete this day from existence. I was terrified when I saw the condition of my skirt. I don't think I can ever go back and pretend nothing happened. I would die before I let my daughter go through something like this. I am never taking those pills again. I don't want this again. EVER.

:(
AVYA

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//PCOD is a real disease and today 1 in 10 women around the world have it but there is no treatment to cure it. Women have paved their life around the disease for years and this makes me think how ignored and neglected women's sexual health actually is. This is my effort in bringing light to the subject and actually start the conversation. //