Red Lights || Destiel stripper/brothel AU

Chapter Eighteen - Iris

Cas (POV)

I had to stay in the hospital from there on out. I was never alone but I was so lonely. Doctors, friends and family were coming in and out all day and every day but there was only one person I wanted here by my side. Every time the door opened I quickly looked to see if it was him but it was always someone else, which left a feeling of emptiness and disappointment whenever they left.

Mom had begun to notice these things about me. I had been calling her mom ever since I had found out I actually had AIDs and now it had stuck.

*flashback*

"I'm sorry Castiel, you have AIDs." My whole world came crumbling down on top of me. I couldn't breathe and I felt like I was suffocating on my own emotions. There was no cure. I was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it except try to pro-long my life a bit more.

"Mommy." I start crying and reach out to grab her in a moment of emotional distraught. She instantly grabbed onto me and hugged me so tightly and wouldn't let go for a good few minutes. I could feel her own tears dripping onto my cheeks but she didn't make a noise, she wanted to keep a good face for me. "I don't want to die."

"You're not going to die. You're not." She said over and over again, trying to soothe herself more than she was probably trying to soothe me because we both knew it. In fact, everyone in the room knew it. Whether it was today, tomorrow or weeks from now. I was going to die.

*flashback ends*

She could see that something was wrong with me. That I was pining after something that wouldn't come but she was always there for me. Always asking if I needed anything but I always said no. I didn't want them to get me anything because I didn't really want anything apart from Dean.

"I know you miss him." Mom said one say while I'm looking out of the window at the birds flying and tweeting high in the sky. I slowly look back at her and nod my head sadly.

I hadn't cracked a smile since the day I got told and that was about a week ago now. I could have gone home but the doctors had asked me if they could try out a number of different treatments on me to see if anything worked and I allowed them to. So here I was stuck, in a hospital, alone, sad, scared and above all, love sick.

"Yes." I whisper out hoarsely. I couldn't drink because every time I did I felt like puking up or sometimes even did puke up.

"I could tell him, Cas. I could ring him up and tell him that you need him." She tells me but I shake my head softly and I smile weakly at her. It was an empty smile but grateful at the same time. This was the only exercise my face got now.

"No. I don't want to put him in that position. I deserve this because of what I did to him."

"Castiel no." She whispers and shakes her head, scrunching up her face in annoyance. "Don't say you deserve this decease because of a little lie you told."

"little?" I scoff and turn to face the window again. "I'm not sure lying to the love of my life about my identity for almost a year is a 'little' lie."

"Cas..." She started but I cut her off by putting my earphones in and listening to music rather than listen to her. I knew it was rude of my to do that but I didn't want to hear another word about Dean Winchester.

And i'd give up forever to touch you, Cause i know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be. And i don't wanna go home right now

And all i can taste is this moment. And all i can breathe is your life

When sooner or later it's over, i just don't wanna miss you tonight.