The holy Rubic's cube!

spanish inquisition, KISS and total chaos, oh my!

Oskar: Old woman! Is there anywhere in this town where we could get a Kiss?
Virginia: Kiss? Do you ask people around for a kiss little boy?
Oskar: I meant the music Kiss
(Dramatic Chord)
Virginia: Who sent you?
Oskar: The bullies who says Nej!
Virginia: No! Never! We don’t have kiss here!
Oskar: Where can we get Kiss? Nej! Nej! Nej!
Virginia: Oh, do your worse little boy! I’ve already been bitten by some other small brat!
Oskar: Very well! Nej! Nej! Nej!
Benke: Are you saying Nej to the old woman?
Oskar: Who are you?
Benke: I’m Benke. I sell music. They call me Benke the music seller. I sell, trade, and make music.
Staffan: Nej!
Oskar: No, no, no Staffan.

Oskar: Oh Bullies of Nej! We got you the music Kiss. Now can we pass?
Jonny: This is very good, nice soundtrack here. Pretty new. But now there’s just one small problem. We’re no longer the bullies who say Nej. We’re now called bullies who say Eeky-eeky-eeky-poo-tamp-pane!
Micke: Nej!
Jonny: There is now to be a test. You must get us… another Kiss!
(Dramatic Chord)
Oskar: Again?
Jonny: Yes Piggy. You bring it next to this one. A different album. Then, when you find another Kiss… you must stab the mightiest tree in the forest. With…! A pissball!
(Dramatic Chord)
Oskar: We shall do no such thing!
Jonny: Oh please.
Oskar: Stab a tree with a pissball? It can’t be done!
Jonny: Don’t say the word! Not that word!
Oskar: What word? Done?
Jonny: Not done, we’re fine with done.
Staffan: Oh look Oskar, It’s lacke!
Lacke: It’s good to see you again Oskar.
Bullies: aaargh!
Oskar: Did you find it?
Jonny: Not that word again!
Lacke: I was looking for it…
Jonny: Oh my ear! My ear!
Oskar: Oh cut it out!
Jonny: Argh! Aaargh!
Oskar: Come Johan, it’s time.
Jonny: He said it again… Argh! I said it… Argh!

Oskar: Hold it people!
(Boom boom boom boom boom boom!)
John: I am an enchanter! And an infector… and an author… They call me… John.
Oskar: Well greetings John. I’m…
John: I know who you are Oskar. You seek the Holy Rubik’s cube!
Oskar: Wow, you know so much. Well… we’re looking for it. So if you could tell us… where… where we can… find… find…
John: Find what?
Oskar: The… the…
John: The cube?
Oskar: Yes!
John: Yes. I know where you can find your cube! To the north lies a cave. The cave of some place in Sweden I don’t know where because Tigereyes never set foot there… (Tigereyes was the name i used when writing this on a fan site)
Tigereyes: Hey leave me out of this!
John: …There inside you might find your Cube. Follow me. But follow if you are brave! For there is a blood thirsty creature with nasty…. Pointed… teeth!

John: There is the cave.
Oskar: Right, let’s go inside!
John: Hold it! There!
(dramatic Chord)
Oskar: What?
John: There!
Oskar: What behind the kid?
John: It is the kid!
Oskar: You silly sod! You got us all worked up! A kid is the nasty creature?
John: Look at all the corpses! Their necks twisted and their blood is drained!
Eli: Help me.
John: Ack! Don’t listen! It’ll kill you all!
Oskar: Yeah right. Jocke, go help that girl there.
Jocke: Oh hello there… you need some help?
John: Look!
(Dramatic Chord)
(Eli noms Locke)
Jocke: Argh!
Oskar: Holy crap! What shall we do?
Staffan: We must get the Holy hand grenade!

Minister: Oh bless thy holy Hand Grenade… now I shall toss it.
Hakan: Eeeeeeiiiiii….
Eli: Ahh! (Flees just in time as the hand grenade smacks the zombie Hakan and it explodes)
Oskar: Did we get it?
Staffan: We must have. I don’t see anything there anymore.

Scene 34

Staffan: Look Oskar. Some writings on the wall.
Oskar: What does it say?
Morgan: I don’t know. Let’s get our best scholar.
Oskar: We don’t have a best scholar.
Tommy: Let me read it then. It reads: Here lies your darkest hour, the Rubik’s Cube is not here, but the creature who screams ‘Eeeeeeiiii”
Oskar: Eeeii? What does that mean?
Hakan: Eeeeiiiii
John: What, didn’t you just have him blown up?
Tigereyes: Ja, but I needed him for two more scenes.
Oskar: Run away!
Lacke: Wait, didn’t that guy buy me drinks?
Hakan: Eeeeeiiii
Lacke: Aaa! His boner is showing!
Oskar: Run away, run away!
Tommy: Eeeeeee! (Hits Hakan with a statue)
Staffan: Not my statue!

Tommy: Oh look, there! The bridge.
Oskar: Everyone, let us ride forth!
(They move forward)
Hakan: Stop! Behind me is the bridge you see, but answer me three questions and I shall let you pass. Fail and I toss you to the pit!
Morgan: Ask me the questions, I’m not afraid.
Hakan:What is your quest?
Morgan: To seek the Holy Rubik’s cube.
Hakan: What is your favorite color?
Morgan: Blue.
Hakan: What year did Eli meetOskar?
Morgan: 1981.
Hakan: Right. Off you go.
Staffan: Oh that is easy.
Hakan: Stop! Behind me is the bridge you see, but answer me three questions and I shall let you pass.
Staffan: Ask me the questions, I’m not afraid.
Hakan: What is your quest?
Staffan: To seek the Holy Rubik’s Cube.
Hakan: Why didTigereyes have everyone do multiple characters?
Staffan: Because they’re not very many of us.
Hakan: What is the capital of Isreal?
Staffan: I don’t know that… Aaaaaaa!
Tommy: Here I go.
Hakan: Stop! Behind me is the bridge you see, but answer me three questions and I shall let you pass.
Tommy: Ask me the questions…. I’m… not afraid.
Hakan: What is your quest?
Tommy: To seek the Holy Rubik’s cube.
Hakan: What was the name of the kid who drank your blood?
Tommy: I don’t know… Nooooooooo!
Hakan: Stop! Behind me is the bridge you see, but answer me three questions and I shall let you pass.
Oskar: Ask me the questions. I’m not afraid.
Hakan: What is your quest?
Oskar: To seek the Holy Rubik’s cube?
Hakan: How much does the Rubik’s cube cost?
Oskar: Which one do you mean? The matte or the metal kind?
Hakan: I don’t know…. Noooooo…. Eeelllliiiiiii….. (Booooooooooooooooooooooooom)
Oskar: Boy, the fanfic author must really hate him.

Oskar: Hey, where did Morgan go? Morgan! Morgan! Oh, the castle. That must be where the Holy Rubik’s Cube is! Oh Eli, we made it! (Bonk) Ow!
Avila: You again you silly Swedish boy? Go away before I blow my nose at you!
Oskar: I was sent here by Eli to retrieve the Holy Rubik’s cube! You give it here now or I shall have Eli come up there and eat you!
Avila: You don’t fright me! I kissed your mother and I kissed your father!
Oskar: You lie!
Avila: You silly swedes, you think you can out smart us Spanish inquisition? NO BODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Oskar: Fine then, I’ll just go home. Come on Johan.
Narrator: And then they have given up and went home. Eli shakes his head, facepalming himself as Avila shouts out more rude insults. The End.
Avila: Nobody expects the Span….
Narrator: Oh shut up.