dirty little secrets → rc

17: a deal's a deal

Rafe stayed silent staring at me making me quickly grow impatient, I bounced my leg up and down waiting for him to say something literally anything. 

His hand moved onto my thigh stopping the movement without saying a word.

"Why'd you make a bet to...sleep with me?" I mumbled looking down to the ground, feeling my heartbeat quicker at what I was about to hear knowing it might break my heart all over again.

"What I did to you, Lola...I've regretted it ever since"

"Don't call me that" I said sternly shaking my head not wanting to hear the nickname he gave me when we were little, I was trying to detach from his words as much as I could. 

I didn't want to feel what he was saying.

"Right" he cleared his throat looking sincere "I seriously wish I never make that stupid bet or hurt you," he said quietly "I didn't mean to hurt you".

"Then why did you agree to it?" I questioned looking at him rub his fingers over his face distressed. He turned to face me with a pained expression as I keep my face blank.

"You have to know it was after we started hanging out I swear Willow everything before was genuine...that was the real me. When we kissed it was before everything happened..."

"I was dumb and uh I wasn't in the right state of mind" I knew that meant he was most likely high on coke. "Kelce....and they got into my head...saying a girl like you could never be with someone like me"

"So you agreed to try to take my virginity, who does that?" I scoffed turning my glance around the room not wanting to look into his sad eyes for another second.

"I was a fucking idiot"

"True"

"Kelce said I could never be with you...that no girl could ever love me, he uh said my own father didn't even love me" I looked over to him at the mention of his father knowing it was an extremely tense topic, Rafe had his jaw locked looking at the photo's we'd taken still in his palm, his nostrils were flaring taking about Ward Cameron.

"I said it wasn't true...that I wasn't completely unloveable...that you were different to any other girl I'd been with but he didn't give up taunting me if anything it escalated"

"He said the only way to prove him wrong was to...uh-"

"Sleep with me" I finished for him.

"Yeah" Rafe cleared his throat "I tried to talk to him the next morning and tell him I didn't mean anything I said...but it was too late everything I agreed to the night before happened and there was nothing I could do about it"

"That's why you didn't talk to me for a week?" I questioned.

"I couldn't bear to look at you...I didn't even want to come close to you. I didn't want any part of the bet and didn't want Kelce seeing me around you".

"I ran to Topper I didn't know who else to talk to...I asked him what to do because I didn't want to lose you"

"Well, you did" I deadpanned.

"Yeah thanks, I know" He rolled his eyes "Just let me explain" he snarled.

"Go ahead" I nodded.

"I told Topper and I begged him not to tell you, I never wanted you to find out which is selfish I realized that. I think it took Topper beating the shit out of me to realize. He said you deserved to know but I knew you'd hate me"

"True" I smirked.

He sent me a pointed look "Shut up" he said and I shut my lips. "So when you showed up on my doorstep I let you scream at me. I thought it'd be easier if you just hated me than try to explain myself to you. I knew there was no excuse for what I'd done so I let you walk away...and it's the biggest mistake of my life"

I stayed silent not interrupting him whilst he explained. 

That day when Topper showed up at my house explaining that Rafe had made a bet with his friends to sleep me was one of the worst days of my life. 

I felt my heart physically break into two hearing the boy I liked betray me like that, I thought I knew him but was painfully proven wrong.

"When you left..." he said quietly looking at me and taking a deep breath "I was heartbroken Willow, I thought I'd never see you again"

"Well here I am" I smiled softly "Why do you hate me though?" I asked. "When I came back you were a dick".

"I was mostly shocked and you uh...reminded me of everything I lost. It hasn't been the same since you left...I haven't been the same"

"I mean I did tell a whole party you had genital herpes," I said slightly laughing.

"I deserved it," he said awkwardly looking at me.

"Yeah you did"

"I really am sorry and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure you know it, I'll spend every day making it up to you I swear to god," he said lowly.

"Pfft every day?"

"Every day," he said firmly.

"I'd like to see you try," I said with a tiny grin.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?" Rafe questioned lowly looking at me anxiously.

I let out a loud sigh "I don't know Rafe..." I whispered not giving in.

"Okay" he nodded trying to mask his sad expression "You're truth now?" he asked hopefully.

"Uh are you hungry I'm kind of hungry," I said quickly standing up and grabbing his hand trying to pull him to his feet "Let's eat," I said rapidly trying my best to pull him up but his body wasn't moving an inch.

"Willow" he warned as I dropped his hand and started to walk towards the door, he quickly stood up from the bed and moved in front of my body stopping me from moving.

"Can you move" I huffed trying to push past his body but he stayed firmly in his place and instead placed his hands on my upper arms stopping me in my place.

"No sweetheart I won't move" he smiled sweetly, "I told you my secrets, a deal's a deal," he said very matter of factly looking down at me. 

I wasn't out of this situation and I knew what I had to do.

I looked up at Rafe biting my bottom lip, "Can you please let go of my arms I promise I'll stay with you" I whispered with puppy dog eyes. He was staring down at me biting the inside of his cheek debating on what to do but eventually, he slowly dropped his grip on my arms.

Sucker. 

The second Rafe moved his arms from my body, his guard was down and I planned to use it to my advantage. I continued our eye contact as I carefully placed my hand on his stomach when I began tracing my fingers up to his chest. 

I heard his breath hitch in his throat as I raked my fingers up his torso.

His stare got more intense as I trailed my fingers to the base of his neck, I then moved my hands to his shoulders and swung my arms around his neck. "What are you-" he trailed off but I simply moved one hand from around his neck and placed a finger on his lips effectively shushing him.

Rafe's eyes widen as I lingered my finger on his lips tracing them, not once did we break eye contact and I was hoping he'd forget about our little deal of truth.

I edged my face closer to his cupping his sharp jaw as he rose his eyebrows, "I don't feel like talking right now Rafe" I whispered lowly staring into his blue eyes with a seductive smile. 

Rafe seemed shocked hearing my words but quickly composed himself and edged his face closer to mine to the point where our lips were almost about to touch.