dirty little secrets → rc

51: just as broken

"And then I left without saying another word" I shrugged my shoulders "He let me walk away" I sighed staring out the window and watching the calm ocean. 

"I'm sorry babe I really am, you didn't deserve to be spoken to like that" I looked over to Amy with an appreciative smile. 

It had been two days since my fight with Rafe. 

It had been radio silence from both ends. 

I stormed out of the house and drove home with tears streaming down my face. Rafe knew exactly what words to say to truly get to me. But leaving was the right choice, I couldn't idly stand there and listen to my own boyfriend speak to me as he did. 

"Thanks, Ames I'm glad you're here"

"Of course I'm here for you, always" she nodded her head.

"I miss him," I said with a sad expression. 

I missed him like crazy. It'd only been a couple of days but without him, by my side, I felt beyond alone. I could barely even mention his name without choking up. 

Spencer, Amy, and Topper had been trying to cheer me up but nothing was working. I thanked them for their efforts but knew Rafe was the only person in the world who could possibly cheer me up.

I was broken without him. I would stare at my phone wishing he would call but he never did, I would try to construct messages to say to him but would ultimately switch my phone off deciding I had no idea what I would say to him. 

I spent hours in bed sleeping my days away and then spent my nights wishing he was with me.

I felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world. We both have our ways to try to numb our feelings and who was I to ridicule his ways of coping? 

But I knew his drug habits were less than healthy, he was heading towards a downwards spiral like I was not too long ago. Except Rafe pulled me out of that spiral, him simply caring for me made me realize I wasn't alone and that I didn't need to resort to alcohol whenever I felt like my feelings were becoming all too much. 

The truth was we were both just as broken as each other. 

It made me love him even more, he wasn't perfect yet I was far from it. Rafe had his problems but who doesn't? 

I couldn't bear to be without him I wanted to storm to his house and beg him to talk to me, to say anything. But I wouldn't. 

"I know you do" Amy sighed as I laid my head in her lap and she stroked my long hair.

"Y'know what Ames" I mused closing my eyes.

"What?" she asked softly.

"I think I love him" I muttered "In fact I know I love him"

"I know you do" Amy repeated nodding her head, "I'm glad you've finally admitted it to yourself" 

"I knew I'd always had feelings for him...but I really love him, I love him even with how he treated me...I love him" 

"It may not seem like it right now but I know he loves you Will, and I will bet on my life he is regretting everything he said right about now" 

"How do you know he loves me?"

"I've seen the way he looks at you, the way he talks about you when you aren't around, the way his face lights up whenever you walk into the room" Amy explained as my eyes shot open.

"What?"

"You can't be this naive" Amy laughed "Seriously you're literally the only person he ever smiles at"