He Says He's Just A Friend

Chapter 11 - Can't Fight This Feeling

- Clay -

Emmett's words cut like a knife through the heart. I tried not to let on how upset I was when he said what happened would never happen again. That he wasn't into me like that. That he wasn't desperate enough to want me. But did I even want it to happen again? Did I want Emmett to like me that way?

Why had my chest filled with fire upon learning that Emmett had been with Duke? What did Duke have that I didn't? And why did that matter to me so much?

And why did I feel so protective of Emmett seeing him in distress earlier? We barely knew each other.

There was a very simple answer to all those questions, but I didn't know if I could go there yet.

Emmett looked tormented by Duke's presence. He even called him Alfie. No one called him that. No one even used his first name-not even teachers. Desperate to take the attention off of Emmett in that moment, I shook up the beer can I'd been holding-unable to bring myself to open it, recalling my promise to Emmett's mother. That panic in Emmett's eyes when he gave our secret sign, and the subsequent gratitude, told me I did the right thing.

After I let Emmett out at his house, I drove away.

I didn't stop at my house. I just kept going as a heavy pressure built in my chest. I turned the air conditioner on full blast, adjusting all the vents to blow directly in my face. A claustrophobic smothering took hold of me, making it hard to catch my breath. I turned on my calming playlist, hoping to get this under control before it became a problem.

I drove and drove and drove until night fell and my mother actually did call me to find out when I was coming home.

I couldn't get Emmett out of my head. His arms around me. His body pressed against my back. That fantasy about us in the woods. I was still thinking about it when I went home and got in the shower, hoping this one time of giving into the temptation would exorcise these feelings. But when I finished, I just felt empty because Emmett just wanted to be friends. I stood under the water, letting it spill over my head until it turned cold and made my skin break out into gooseflesh all over.

I went to bed early, unable to eat when my mom called me to dinner. My stomach twisted into knots. The feelings did not get washed down the drain as I'd hoped.

That night, I had the worst sleep of my life.