Running Out of Time

Chapter Twenty-One

I wasn't sure how to feel. A part of me wondered if I really was a fool, if I really was stupid, if I'd missed all the warning signs. She'd never loved me. She hadn't loved me when she kissed me underneath the moonlight. She hadn't loved me when she spilled her secrets to me. She hadn't loved me when she'd told me that halfway was never enough. She hadn't loved me when she'd promised to try again. She hadn't loved me, she'd never loved me, she didn't love me.

My heart felt like it was throbbing and about to overflow. It seized inside my chest and ached so badly it physically hurt. I clutched my hand to my chest and tears blurred over, blurring the road to a dangerous point. I pulled over at the nearest rest stop and hunched over the steering wheel, sobbing and sobbing, gasping for breath. The car felt so small, but everything overwhelmed me and drowned me underneath its weight. I didn't know whether to scream, to shout, or to cry some more. I felt like I was going to explode.

When my tears finally ebbed and eased, I took a deep, shuddering breath, rolling down the window. The sun had risen directly overhead, and it was just a few minutes past noon.

I walked into the McDonalds at the rest stop and ordered myself some food for lunch. The cashier, taking pity on my puffy eyelids and red nose, gave me a free ice cream, which I took with a smile and a sniffle.

"Heartbreak?" She asked with a wry smile. I nodded.

"Well, if it means anything to you, he's an idiot."

"She." I mumbled.

"What?"

"It was a she." I said louder, and then walked away.

I ate the ice cream while I waited for the rest of my meal to arrive, and when it did, I ate it slowly, the food feeling as tasteless as gray mush in my mouth.

How had I been so stupid to fall for her façade? I'd known she put on layers of masks upon masks, but I hadn't known how deep it went. Everything had been a lie. I had been so eager to believe that she loved me, I'd determinedly decided not to look for signs contradicting that statement. Why had I been so gullible? Why had I fallen in love with her?

My throat worked in a swallow, and I finished the rest of my meal. Throwing the trash in the trash bin, I took my drink with me as I drove the rest of the way back to campus.

Only when I collapsed onto bed and closed my eyes did the situation sink in. Lia had left me. She probably didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I closed my eyes, and felt dry sobs rack over my body for another hour before I fell into a deep sleep.

***

"Hey."

There was a poking sensation on my back. I huffed and twitched away.

"Willow, wake up."

My eyes slowly cracked open, and I found myself lying on top of my sheets, dressed in yesterday's wrinkled clothes.

"Willow, you must've been so tired you fell asleep in your clothes." Sophia's voice told me.

When I rolled over to squint at her, I shielded my eyes and frowned. Bright light outlined her, lighting her from behind. My forehead ached, and I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed.

"Woah. You look dreadful." She told me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I replied. "I just left a little late. And then I was tired so I crashed."

"I figured." She answered. "Are you sure you're okay, though? You look like death."

I grunted wordlessly.

Sophia's mouth twisted into a frown. "Well, if you need anything, feel free to call me. I'll be on hand."

"Thanks." I mumbled, and buried my face back into the pillow. I drifted off again, roaming somewhere in the land between the awake and the dreaming. I didn't want to wake up, because then I'd be smacked in the face with the fact that Lia was gone, so I stayed in that halfway state, imagining that everything was okay and that Lia was still here, that her hand was stroking through my hair, that her hands caressed my cheeks, that her body enveloped mine on the bed. As soon as I woke up, I hated myself for wishing so. And then I wished so all over again.