The Bassist and The Basket Case//Mötley Crüe •Nikki Sixx•

Why Won't You Love Me

I was sitting at Micks kitchen table, cigarette in hand.

Mick was sitting in the chair across from me. "You okay kid?" He said sliding the bottle of vodka he had in his hand, across the table to me.

I accepted it greatly. "No, I can't believe they did this. Brandy was my best friend and Nikki was my fucking boyfriend. After all the goddamn shit he and I had been through, I thought this was going to work, but apparently not." I said taking a swig from the bottle.

"He'll come around......eventually, and if he never does I'm sure Vince and Tommy wouldn't have a problem with helping me beat his ass." Mick joked.

I smiled. Ever since I moved in with the boys almost nearly 2-3 years ago, I've always looked up to Mick. Now I know I don't have a father, we'll I do, I just don't know where or who, anyway, I never really had anyone to look up to as a father figure.

That is until I met Mick. When I first met Mick, I thought he was like the other three. He was more calm and wise than them though. He and I's alien-like personalities were very similar, the few differences we had were, we looked different, he was wiser, and I prefer Jack Daniels over Vodka.

"Hey Mick, can I tell you something?" I stated.

"Shoot." He said.

I slid the vodka back over to him. "Okay, so I'm just gunna tell you this shit flat out, uhm, you know I don't know who my dad is and I don't want to know, but it feels like I already have one. What I'm trying to tell you is that I see you as father figure in my life or some shit." I stated.

"I'm glad that's coming from you, kid." He smiled.

I said goodbye to Mick and drove to the bar. A drug dealer I know works there. I needed shit and I needed it fast.

"Marco, I need a double, and something for the road." I hollered from a bar stool, holding a 100 dollar bill in my hand.

"Aye, Harrllow, what did I say about doing business at the bar?" He stated.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but I need this shit now." I told him.

"Ok, give a minute." He said, he went to help a costumer and came back.

"Why do you want this shit anyway, I thought you quit?" He asked confused.

"Fuck, I forgot to tell you, Nikki fucking did Heroin first when we decided to quit, and cheated on me with the person who gave it to him, which just so happens to be or used to be my fucking best friend." I stated.

"What, shit, Harrllow, I'm so sorry. If it means anything, I always thought Nikki was a dick." He said.

I laughed. Nikki was indeed a dick.

"Yeah, he and Brandy deserve each other." I said pissed off.

Marco sat down a double in front of me and I downed it.

"Here man." I said handing him the one hundred.

"Be careful Harrllow, the world doesn't need you to die again." He said, handing me the shit.

"Thanks Marco, I'll see you later man." I said walking out the door.

I drove to a gas station and to the bathroom. I got the shit out, wrapped the band around my arm, all that fuckery and let the drugs consume me. I did blow and half a tab of acid along with the heroin. If it did kill me, I honestly wouldn't care, Nikki already killed me by ripping out my heart when he decided to fucking cheat on me.

I felt it instantly. "Let's fucking do this." I told myself.

I was gunna need all the energy I could get for what I was about to do. I walked out of the bathroom like nothing ever happened, made it my car and whipped out of the parking lot.

It took me about 15 minutes to get to my destination.

I got out of my car, slammed my door shut and walked up the steps to the front door, opened it, and didn't even bother closing it. It wasn't even my house anymore, so why care anyway.

I started to walk towards to what use to be Nikki and I's bedroom. I was halfway there, then someone said my name. I turned around and in the kitchen was Nikki. Fucking great.

"H-how are you?" He asked, clearly shit faced.

"God, no good thanks to you." I sneered.

"I didn't want to fucking do that to you Harrllow." He stated.

"Bullshit, if you didn't want to, you wouldn't have, it's as simple as fucking that!" I said starting to yell.

"Why can't you let this shit go?" He asked.

"Why won't you love me?!" I screamed.

He looked taken aback.

"I do Harrllow, I do, I love you so fucking much." He said, pleading.

"No, no you don't Nikki, what happened to us getting married one day, or us fucking promising each other to stay off of the fucking drug that killed us!?" I said full fledged screaming now.

"Harrllow, I fucking love you, okay, Brandy-that was, that was a...." He trailed off.

"A what Nikki, hmm, and if you actually loved me you would have kept your fucking promise and you wouldn't have fucking cheated on me!" I screamed.

He didn't answer so I started to walk back towards the front door.

"Why won't you love me, Harrllow?!" He asked.

I turned around, tears in my eyes. "Because you wouldn't love me first, and by the looks of it, you never fucking did." I said bawling, and with that I walked out of the house and to my car.

When I got into my car I smacked my steering wheel with both of my hands. "Fuck!" I screamed. I backed out of the driveway and sped off to Tommy's house.

I rang the doorbell and waited till he answered.

"Hey Harrllow, you okay?" He asked worriedly.

"No, u-hm would it be okay if I moved in with you?" I asked.

He didn't ask any questions and I thanked him for that.

"Yeah, yeah you can." He stated. He stepped aside and let me in.

"You need to get Nikki out of the house tomorrow so I can get my shit out of there." I told him.

"What do you mean?" He asked

"Guess Mick didn't tell you, we'll Nikki did Heroin the other day, Brandy gave it to him, and he cheated on me with her." I said.

"I'm gunna fucking kill him." He said getting pissed and going into protective brother mode.

"T-bone, let it go, at this point the heroin will do it for him." I said.

He called Vince and told him everything. Vince said he'd help me pack my shit while Tommy kept Nikki out of the house. Thank fucking god.

Tommy showed me my room and I went to sleep, letting sorrow and tiredness take over.