Miss Lola.

Grandchildren.

One.

Had I known that my daughter was serious about dropping her kids off at my house this morning, I would have left a "Do not disturb" sign on my front door last night.

Rhonda, my daughter, has three kids by two different men and so they all have different personalities and the two oldest are pecan brown and the youngest one is so light that I'm sure his daddy is a white man even though Rhonda denied it.

Tommy is nine, Bella is seven and Ray j.r, the little clear one, is six and they're a handful.

Please don't get it twisted, I love my grandkids to pieces but I love them more when they're somewhere else other than my house.

Right now these little monsters are running all over my living room like wild animals instead of sitting down like normal children and I grab a fly swatter and start chasing them through the house.

"I'm gone swat the mess out of y'all!"

"You gotta catch us first Grandma!" Tommy, the ring leader, yells and then sticks his tongue out at me.

"Come back here, Tommy!"

He dodges past me and I snag the back of his t-shirt and roughly haul him around so that we're face to face.

"I guess you ain't as fast as you thought." I grin as he struggles in my tight grip.

"Lemme go Granny!"

"Not until you call your imps off."

"Hey you guys! Stop running. Granny's too old to be chasing us."

I smack the back of his bowling ball head for calling me old because I'm only in my early forties and I still got it going on.

Hello, I look younger than most of my friends and feel great too now that I've lost those pesky thirty pounds and started taking my supplements.

Once I get the kids settled down in front of the flat screen, I pop a Disney movie into the D.V.D player and silently thank god for Walt Disney, the man's been gone for almost a hundred years and he's still making life easier for harassed mothers everywhere.

"I'm hungry." Ray J.r whined.

"You mean to tell me that your trifling mama didn't feed y'all before she dumped you off on my front porch this morning?"

"No." They all chorus and then Bella, asks,

"What does trifling mean?"

"It's just a nickname for your mama." I say. "But don't y'all call her that to her face because it's supposed to be a secret."

Propping my fists on my svelte hips, I try to think what I could use to feed these starving children because the only things in my fridge are health food.

"Do y'all like cottage cheese and carrot sticks?"

Tommy made a face but the other two seemed mildly interested.

"Don't you got some chips and..and some grape soda?" He whined.

"Chips? Grape soda? That ain't no real food and anyway all I got is carrots and cottage cheese so that's what y'all will be eating today."

"Aww...man." Griped Tommy.

"Beggars can't be choosers." I remind him. "So suck it up, Tommy."

I entered the kitchen, which is at the back of the brick, ranch style home which I'd finally paid off last year.

Speaking of my home, I like to keep it spotless like everything else about me which is why I dread it when Rhonda leaves her kids over here.

They love touching my glass topped tables with their little, sticky fingers  and leaving greasy smears on my egg shell white walls and furniture and Rhonda never lends a hand to clean up after them.

Hello, I'd hate to see the state of her house but I hardly got the time to visit anyone.

My life is full enough as it is because I feel like it's important to stay busy.

That way you can't dwell on the sorry mess of your own life or anyone else's either and I'm on just about every committee and club this town has to offer including my church's outreach program.

Thursday mornings I deliver home cooked meals to the elderly, the sick and the shut in.

Plus, I run a beauty salon.

So anyway, I step around the faux marble Island and open the gold Frigidaire.

"Hmmm..this cottage cheese is out of date." I snatch the container off the shelf and drop it inside of the steel trashcan in the corner. "Well, it looks like it's just going to be carrots..."

"Granny?"

I scream, jump about two feet in the air and clutch my chest.

"Boy, you scared the stuffing out of me!" I holler at Ray j.r. "You know better than to sneak up on me like that."

"I'm sorry." He said, hanging his head and looking like he was ready to cry.

I stop and really look at this skinny, little pale child and purse my lips. Ray has always been kinda delicate and fussy. He's also very small for his age and not as sturdy as the other two.

He needs to toughen up like his brother, and do something with himself.

"What's the matter with you, boy? Why are you creeping around my kitchen like Casper the Friendly Ghost?"

"Who's Casper?"

"Nevermind." I say with an eye roll. "What's your malfunction?"

His big, honey green eyes fill up with tears and when his bird's chest begins to heave, I start feeling anxious.
Hello, I don't need to be dealing with this today.

I'm gonna skin Rhonda alive when I see her.

"I...I miss my mama." Ray said.

"Well, she'll be here soon. Please don't nut up on me Ray."

He wiped at his eyes with grubby fingers and I quickly handed him a clean sheet from the paper towel roll because ain't no telling how many germs are percolating under his filthy nails and I don't want him catching pink eye on my watch.

"O..okay Granny."

My lips twist with distaste.

"And how many times have I asked y'all to call me Big Ma? Granny sounds too old and dusty for a foxy woman such as myself."

"O..okay." He hiccups and I swiftly fill a glass with water from the tap and hand it to him.

"Now drink all of the nice, clean water down and then go and tell your siblings that we're going to Macdonald's."

Ray's eyes brightened at once and he gulped every drop of water down and happily bounded for the living room.

10/4/21.

1/31/23.