Bad Wife

1. Failing Gold Digger

The birthday song was joyfully sung across the yard by our friends and family as Banksy excitedly clapped in my lap. I watched as my wife's curled ponytail sway side to side as she carried out our five year old daughter's cake.

Banksy jumped from my lap and moved closer to the table as Murphy sat the cake down on the table and proceeded to next to me.

"Thank you daddy, thank you mama!" She exclaimed.

"Make a wish." I told her pushing her closer to the cake. She took a deep breath and blew out each candle one by one. Everyone clapped with her as pictures were taken of the three of us.

And as the claps died down there was still one person clapping. Everyone looked to see who it was and of course my sister step forward still clapping.

"Happy Birthday munchkin." She exclaimed as her eyes fixated on Murphy. While she looked just as surprised and annoyed, as everyone else, my sister stepped forward and hand me a manilla envelope. "Congrats your daddy is not your daddy."

I took a peak inside and spotted a bunch of useless documents. "What the fuck is this?"

"I just gave you bullet proof evidence that your wife is not only a lying liar, but a deceiving bitch of a con artist."

Maybe some context would be great.

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"Dude, what the fuck?" I exclaimed throwing my head back in frustration. "I said no strip clubs."

I shook my head as I was pushed into a black leather chair in front of small stage. I tried getting up but was met with Jerome's hands pushing me back down in the seat. The rest of the guys just laughed and watched as the girl in front of us carelessly walked around the pole. She looked like she didn’t want to be here.

I got up from my seat and quickly made it to the bathroom. I turned the faucet on and washed my hands in the warm water to kill the germs from my hands. Come on, Marcus. Fucking, relax. They meant no harm. Just disrespecting my wishes like always. I hate my cousins, not to the extent of murder. I just. I can’t stand them. And Jerome is the nicer of the three. But he’s still a dick.

I should just wash my hands and sneak out the back.

I’m going to wash my hands and sneak out the back.

Just as I opened the door, I was greeted by cousin number one. Hunter, who is also not the brightest. Got into his school based on athletic ability and not academics.  He isn’t stupid, just not bright.

Hunter grabbed me by my arm and dragged me down the dark hallway. We made it to a door that had glitter brushed across it. The door opened and I was pushed in. I heard the loud laughter of Hunter and the other one, Chet.

“Well, hello there.” The woman in front of me smiled, fixing my collar. “What brings you here today, sweetie?” She asked pulling my closer to her body. I turned away from her and tried to open the door, but it was locked. Isn’t that illegal?

“Please don’t call me that?” I asked her as nicely as I could and walked around her and sat down on the luxe white couch. She turned around in her, wasn’t sure what to call it. Not in an ignorant way, just didn’t know what to call it. Looked like a bikini but it was all leather with matching leather straps that connected all the pieces and black heels. She had to be uncomfortable.