The Tale of Lord Kenneth vol. 1

Abducted Again

Lord Kenneth awoke to the sound of moans. The room was pitch black and he found himself unable to move. The only light in the room came from a small monitor, where he could see two naked women touching each other erotically. Intrigued, Lord Kenneth attempted to sit up, but his entire body was sore and it felt like something weighing over two hundred pounds or so was on top of him.

“Your touch is stronger than any man I’ve ever had,” exclaimed one of the naked girls onscreen.

“Tabitha…you make me feel so…so…so…” replied the other girl.

Lord Kenneth’s breeches tightened as he listened to the girls’ pillow talk. We watched helplessly as the two began to explore their bodies in a more thorough manner.

“Do me, Miranda. Do me now!” Tabitha said, arching her back and intentionally lowering her tone of voice.

“Do her Miranda! Do her!” Lord Kenneth felt compelled to yell at the screen, “Your Lord Kenneth commands it!”

The moment he spoke, the screen turned off and the lights turned on. Lord Kenneth then saw that he was in a tiny motel room. It was so tiny that his head and his toes both nearly touched opposing walls. He was not lying on a bed, but was tied down on the floor. A pale, overweight man with a scruffy beard was asleep on top of him. On the bed, a few feet away, was the beautiful blonde woman who had saved him from the cruel fate of sodomy.

“And so he awakens,” the blonde woman spoke.

 “Why hello there, comely young wench,” Lord Kenneth purred.

 "You may call me Agent 5. Francis, pick him up.”

The pale, overweight man got up, did a salute and tossed Lord Kenneth over his shoulder. When he attempted to move slightly in order to make his position more comfortable, Francis slapped him in his buttocks like a misbehaving child.

“You dare strike your liege lord?” Lord Kenneth tried his best to sound threatening, “That is treason! I shall have your head and by sundown, your line will end!”

Agent 5 rolled her eyes and slowly opened the door, carefully checking outside for anyone that might be spying on them. When the coast was clear, she pulled out a large duffel bag from the motel’s wardrobe. “Francis, put the loud oaf here!”

 "I beg your pardon? Do you really expect me to fit in the—“

With barely any wasted movement, Francis threw Lord Kenneth harshly into the bag and zipped him up. What transpired next was a complete blur to Lord Kenneth. It took a long while for him to see the light of day and when he did, it was night time. He found himself in yet another motel room. Francis was once again on top of him, snoring like a great, wild thing, which was the most creative comparison that Lord Kenneth could come up with. Agent 5 was seated by the table, writing on her journal.

“My lady,” Lord Kenneth began, but Agent 5 shushed him.

“We got off on the wrong foot. Allow me to start all over again. My name is Lord Kenneth and I am pleased to make your acquaintance,” Lord Kenneth finished off his reintroduction with a gesture that half-resembled a bow.

Agent 5 raised an eyebrow to that; what could he be playing at, she wondered. Closing her journal, she turned off the lights and retreated to the sole bed in the room. For a moment, they were quiet and she had almost fallen asleep when she heard a barely audible cough. Ignoring whatever sound the oaf was making, she turned to her side and tried to fall asleep again; then came a louder cough. Feeling annoyed, Agent 5 placed her pillow over her head. Not long after that, she felt a finger poke her forehead.

Even in the dark, there was no mistaking Lord Kenneth standing over her, poking at her forehead curiously.

“What? How?! GET BACK TO YOUR CORNER!” Agent 5 demanded.

“If it pleases you, m’lady,” Lord Kenneth said with a proper bow this time.

Lord Kenneth retreated and for a while there was no sound. Finally attaining a measure of peace, Agent 5 started to drift back into unconsciousness. Before finally falling asleep, Lord Kenneth piped up one more time.

“Your hair smells like horse dung, by the way. It’s very refreshing!”

“Goddammit…”

“It’s called a compliment, m’lady!”

“FRANCIS!”

The sound of a jaw being broken was heard in the darkness. Agent 5 fell asleep shortly after.