Come Down From Your Fences

Chapter 19

It was a cold, but beautiful day. The sun was bright, brighter than it had been in days. The sky was so blue that it seemed fake - like an artist had painted it, dotting it with whimsical white clouds that looked like something from a storybook. To Pony, that seemed fitting; it reminded him of his mother. Every memory of his mother was filled with bright, vibrant colors - like a world trapped between reality and fantasy.

He was glad that today of all days was one his mother would have loved, that both his parents would have loved it. It made remembering easier, less painful. The tears still came, he didn't know if this day would ever be met without its share of tears. He doubted it.

It was an early morning for the Curtis brothers. It was a Saturday, so Pony didn't have school, but both Soda and Darry had to get to work. They could have waited until later, but somehow that didn't seem right. The day had to start with this, not end with it.

The sun rose as they drove along the almost empty roads. The sky was bathed with pale washes of color, an artist's paintbrush bringing beauty to the roughest of neighborhoods. Pony thought of Windrixville and the sunrise he and Johnny watched. This one was just as beautiful, but different. That one had been golden and warm, this one was cool and peaceful.

The cemetery was empty and still, almost serene. He'd come here a couple of times on his own - talking to his parents, sharing his hopes and fears. Telling them things he'd wish he'd told them when they were alive. Today, he'd realized how much easier it was to talk to them when he was alone. Here, in front of his brothers, he felt uncomfortable and the words caught in his throat. Soda and Darry were silent, too, and he wondered if they felt the same way.

So there they all stood, quiet and stoic. Well, at first. Soon, Soda was silently crying and Pony felt his own tears well up as he comforted his brother. Darry, of course, didn't cry. His face remained stony and cold, but Pony saw a softness in his eyes that he hadn't noticed before. They stayed like that as the sun rose higher in the sky, taking the edge off the frigid air.

Darry looked at his watch and turned to his brothers. "Well, it's time we got goin'." He started walking away from the graves but stopped for a moment and then tossed his keys to Sodapop. "You guys head back and start the truck, get it heated up. I'll be down in a second."

Soda threw his arm over Ponyboy's shoulders, leading him down the hill toward the road. "Come on, kiddo. Let's give Darry a minute alone."

Darry knelt in front of the pair of headstones, glancing behind him to make sure he was alone. He started talking hesitantly, feeling extremely self-conscious and a little awkward.

"Gosh, I miss you guys so much." He found that once he started it became easier to talk to them. His unease was forgotten and the words came tumbling out.

"I'm trying to do right by you, we all are. I find myself constantly asking myself how you guys would have handled stuff, and trust me, there's been a lot of stuff to handle. And I know I've gotten a lot of things wrong - fought with Pony when I should have stopped and listened to him." Darry shook his head and gave a shaky laugh.

"Oh man, Pony. I hope I'm not screwing him up permanently, it's just so tough. He pushes and pushes and I don't even think he realizes he does it. It's like he's testing me or something . Well, I keep pushing back and sometimes I think he hates me. I keep telling myself: 'Only four more years and Pony'll be an adult.' Only four more years ... but it won't end there, will it?" Darry smiled, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Ya know what? I'm glad that it won't end there. All three of us will always be there for each other, I want you guys to know that. We'll never be alone." He brushed a leaf off his mother's headstone as he stood slowly. "I just ... I hope we're making you proud," he said, his voice catching unexpectedly. Clearing his throat, he turned and made his way down the hill to join his waiting brothers.