Tapping

Chapter 4

Today was the last day of rehearsing the dance for the birthday party. Tomorrow, I planned on recording the performance for Brahms. We spent a lot more time getting to know one another. The more time we spent together the less his temper ran rampant.

There's something to be said by his inability to process and express his emotions outside of violence. Yet, I'm still here, doing my job with little discomfort. At times he truly is like a child, begging for more play time with me or refusing to eat dinner and bathe. However, I'm fully aware being hidden within the walls of your childhood manor by your parents while they faked your death could have major mental damage.  His intelligence on the other hand, seems to have not been affect in the same way. When he articulates his confusion or requests reassurance, he speaks to me as a counterpart. He seemed to have notice my favor towards this and does it more often.

"Y/N, Know w-what to eat for my b-birthday," he approached me slowly as I typed on my laptop. "What's that, Bubby? More pasta?" He made a huffing sound before sitting next to me. His weight caused me to slide into his side. "No, pizza...I w-want to m-make pizzas with you like the m-movie," He wrapped his arm nervously around my shoulders holding me to him. When I didn't move, a content breath floated from the large man. "That's very reasonable actually." I finish up the document I was typing and shut my laptop. I turn to him and smile softly, "Could we have that picnic today?" He looks down at me inspecting my outfit. A soft (Pastel color) sundress with small ladybugs printed on it flowed around my calves and a shawl hung over my shoulders as it had gotten a little cooler. "Yes. You v-very p-pretty today." He stuttered nervously but a small tilt of the mask told me he had a smile. I return the gesture, "Thanks, handsome. Let's go grab some food for the picnic."

As we scavenge the kitchen for suitable picnic food, I think over his birthday request. He seemed very at peace asking for the pizza making. Usually it takes a few nudges to get a request from him. I turn to look at the man and I chuckle when I see him shoving one of my string cheese sticks in his mouth. "You can bring them, Brahms. I think we're all set." I hold up the picnic basket which he quickly takes from me. "Too heavy for pretty lady," he grumbled as I laugh picking up the blanket. I can see his nerves building from the idea of being outside. I take his hand softly, slowly tugging him towards the back door. He tenses up when I turn the knob and push it open but it's too late to back out.

I step out into the sunlight and sigh happily, a smile plastered on my upturned face. His heavy footsteps follow me out hesitantly, stopping once he's in the sun. He makes an odd giggle sound before turning to me. He wraps an arm across my chest holding me to him. I smile up at him, examining the stubble under his chin. Does he have to shave to that length everyday? How fast does it grow out? "Do you like having a beard?" He suddenly looks at me and I can see a small tilted smirk forming. "Not long, too itchy. This good. You like it?" I nod softly before moving to a spot in the yard. I lay the blanket down and take a seat as Brahms sets the basket down on it. He sits next to me and looks around curiously as  pull the sandwiches and sides out. "Bubby? How are you feeling?"  He thinks for a moment before looking at me directly, "Warm...safe...happy." I smile as I hand him a plate and lean against him. "I'm glad. I'm happy too." He looks around cautiously before lifting the mask to expose his bottom lip to eat. I study this area again before bravely getting his attention.

"Hmm?"
"Will you show me? Just to your nose...not your whole face."
He growled with a dangerous warning in his tone. I ignore it, it was now or never.
"Please?"

He was silent for a long while before his fingers pushed the mask up to his nose. He had prominent cheekbones and the strong jaw made another appearance. Instinctively I reached to touch his stubble but he caught my hand scared. "I'm sorry, Brahms. Thank you for letting me —" His cheek settled into my palm with his hand cupping mine. "Soft..." I smile as I run my thumb across his stubble. The interaction ended all too soon, he pulled away and moved the mask back down. I smiled and didn't acknowledge the feeling of disappointment. "Hungry." He announced, so we ate in comfortable silence. Both of us were no doubt processing the change in our dynamic. It was progress but to what? That's what scared me the most about it. I could feel myself getting attached to this man. And I had begun seeing him as a man.

Once we finished eating, I laid my head on his chest as we lay on the blanket. I read a book out loud to him while he ran his fingers over my head and ears. "Y/N?" I stopped reading the passage and slip the bookmark in. "Yes?" He wouldn't look at me but kept trying to speak. "M-my f-face...not l-like y-yours." I sighed knowing where this was going, I'd seen the scars...I didn't care about them. "I know, I see the scars on your jaw...and when you showed me your cheeks earlier. I still think you're handsome, Brahms. It doesn't matter to me." He seemed not to believe me but nodded slowly anyways. " Body like that too." I nodded my understanding, "I won't leave no matter how you look Brahms." I could confidently say that as the truth. I didn't want to leave Brahms at all really, this was enough of a life for me. "Birthday...I show you at birthday. Formal."

"Formal." I agreed.