Dear Mitch (Merome)

Chapter 7

You'd think I'd find it easier to read this diary. Just read it, move on. Haha, maybe not.

It isn't one of those things you just reserve for later. You draw back, think, hurt, even. Hurt for your antagonistic protagonist. Hurt for yourself.

My life could have been so I different. I could have never existed. My parents could have broken up long ago. I could have lived with two fathers, instead of one. Caitlyn could have...

I didn't think that much about my sister. She'd been quiet the past few weeks, and Mom and Dad had been too. It all felt so fake, the whole world having a conspiracy against me. Where were the arguments? The crying over hoarse voices?

Okay, where did my tinfoil hat go?

Ben and Lachlan were gone. Preston was coming to stay soon though. Preston was probably my second favourite non-related uncle, after Lachlan. Every year, Dad sent Preston a cactus for his birthday, and his ringtone on everyone's phone was 'Darude-Sandstorm'. Either you willingly set it to that, or he'll creep into your room at 3am and change it for you. Trust me, nothing scarier than when you wake and there's a dark shadow stealing your phone with a quiet laugh.

By now, I was over halfway through this diary. Some of it was the randomest crap I've ever heard from Dad (and remember, I live with the guy) and some of it was almost life-changing, in a 'go and do what you want before you can't sort of way.

Mom hadn't really talked to me after the time I confronted her. She avoided being in the same room as me. I did the same. It hurt, knowing she couldn't defend herself against something that should have never been true. She should have loved us! She did love us... just not me. Of course she didn't love me. I was the one who ruined all her plans, right?

Call me insane. Spoilt. Wrong.

30th June 2023

Dear Mitch

I saw you there at ArcadiaCon, on the trip to Florida. I didn't go the last time, because I didn't want to see you. I did this because I did this time, though.

Host of the event. Yes, I know you saw me. Especially after you announced I was here and invited me for an impromptu speech. I saw that conflicted look that was gone before it came. You talked about us being friends, staying in touch occasionally... lies to cover the truth. Your arm went around my shoulders and you cheered, casual and happy. I could even feel the love. Could you feel mine?

I tried to talk to you afterwards, you know. Tried to push through the crowds, with them clamouring for autographs and photos. I guess it didn't help when you ran off as well. Running from the issues that I caused.

Can we ever go back to how we were? We lost each other and we can't seem to be found again, even if we're in front of each other.

Apologies. I need to start mine. For real this time.

I'm sorry Mitch. You were the best friend I ever had, love or like, and I regret ever losing you. I know now that it was the worst decision I've ever made, and that there will be nothing else I can regret as much as this. I love the rest of the Pack and more like my brothers, but they can't ever replace you. They don't even come close to replacing you.

Only two of us are married right now. I with Louise, and Lachlan with Amanda.

Can I just state that Lachlan and Amanda are a great couple? Aside from Amanda drawing a moustache on Lachlan's face, and dicks all over his body while he was sleeping that one time. I still remember us waking and hearing her laughing as he raged... back when he lived with us, of course. The pictures are still on my phone.