Betrayal - A Bucky Barnes Fanfic

Chapter 22

Ava felt like she was glued to the ground. His steel-blue eyes pierced her and a tugging sensation spread through her chest. What was James thinking, just turning up on her doorstep like that after he had made a fool of her today? Something mingled with the tugging in her chest. Her body trembled, she felt heat rising inside of her, but not the good kind of heat she usually felt around him. She was angry. Very angry. At James and his confusing signals and outrageous ways. But she was also angry at herself – for believing James had feelings for her.

"Hi, I texted you," he said gently. Ava rolled her eyes and let an incredulous moan escape her lips.

"I've been busy," Ava returned coolly.

"I thought we could talk," he continued in a low voice. What was all this fuss about?

"Oh, is this going to be a regular thing between us now? You're going to act like an ass only to show up outside my flat and apologise to me?" Ava asked sarcastically.

"Of course not. What I said to you today – I didn't mean it. You just caught me at a really fucking bad time. I'm sorry for my harsh words."

Sorry for his harsh words, but not for what he said, she reminded herself as her heart threatened to go soft again. She couldn't let him treat her like shirt, she wouldn't stand for that. A raindrop made her blink, she hadn't even realised how stony her gaze was fixed on James. The sky had finally closed in now, shrouding the street in darkness.

"I don't want to hear it, James. You can't treat me like shit and then show up here and make me forgive you. Your words hurt me." Ava tried to make her voice sound strong and confident, but the scratching in her throat betrayed her. The raindrops were coming down on her in shorter and shorter intervals now, making her fringe stick dully to her forehead. The rain would at least hide her tears, which threatened to spill out of her.

"The moment I said the words out loud, I immediately regretted it. That's why I texted you. But you didn't reply, so I came over and waited here for you for half an hour."

Something like hope flared up in Ava's heart. Maybe he really was sorry and she had just caught him at a bad moment? And he'd been waiting for her for half an hour ... Maybe he's lying, her subconscious reminded her sourly. James didn't seem like the type of man who lied. Part of his unfriendly, defiant nature was his unquestioning honesty – at least that's what Ava had thought so far.

"I had my phone off," Ava said dryly. She didn't know what else to say back.

"Where have you even been anyway?" James asked promptly. Ava shook her head in disbelief. James must have thought he could show up here and be all demanding. First he ignored her for days after they slept together, then he shoved a hurtful line in her face about their night together and now he had the audacity to ask where she had been?

"I don't see how that's any of your business."

"God Ava, why are you being so difficult right now? What else am I supposed to do but apologise? Those words were stupid and I didn't mean them." James rose from the steps and with that, his voice rose too. He seemed frustrated, which only made Ava angrier.

"I'm being difficult? Are you kidding me, James?", Ava raised her voice as well. She wasn't sure how much longer she could control herself.

"Yes. Why can't you just accept my apology?" he asked irritably.

Ava blinked at him through the now pouring rain. "Because it's not that simple."

"Why?"

"You hurt me. You ignored me for days after we slept together. And then I happen to run into you on the street and you shove some fucking line in my face. Do you have any idea how that feels?", Ava shouted at James over the pelting rain. Her hair and clothes were soaking wet and she was struggling to keep her tears in.

"Ava, please. Let's go upstairs and talk. You're all wet, you're going to be sick." His voice sounded stern and annoyed. He has no right to be annoyed, Ava thought sourly.

"No James. I'm not just some booty call," Ava continued to shout at him. She tried convulsively to maintain her position. She didn't want to be one of those women who forgave a guy for everything right away. James needed to see that his words had consequences and that he couldn't just jump around with her as he pleased.

"I don't think of you that way, Ava," he said in a soft voice, closing the distance between them with a step. "You mean something to me. Do you think I would have spent the whole night with you if I didn't? Do you think I would have followed you up the fire escape if I didn't? Or brought you breakfast? I wouldn't do something like that for a booty call."

Ava tried to look into his eyes without raindrops obscuring her vision. His serious expression had given way to a pleading one. Was he telling the truth? Ava wasn't sure what to believe. She averted her eyes from him to think. His presence numbed her senses. His blue eyes took away all her reason. Her heart was already hammering deafeningly loud again and her body had goosebumps not only from her soaked clothes. She felt his hand on her chin and he forced her to lift her gaze. Still he looked at her pleadingly.

"Ava, I'm sorry," he breathed towards her, closing the distance for good as he pressed his lips to hers. Ava couldn't help but melt. His lips set off fireworks inside her and she felt the passion James put into that kiss. His hand gently cupped her cheek. Her mouth opened slightly and his tongue played around hers with incredible urgency. For a moment, her mind went blank. All she could feel was James, nothing else.

A loud clap of thunder snapped her out of her enchantment. She was able to regain her wits and almost painfully pulled her lips from his.

"James, I can't do this right now," she breathed against his lips, wriggling out of his touch and hurrying up the stairs to her apartment complex. Hastily, she unlocked the door and hurried into the hallway without turning back. She leaned against the closed door and could no longer hold back her tears. Why was she crying? She wasn't sure at that moment.

Only after her tears stopped streaming down her cheeks did Ava move towards the lift. She wasn't sure how long she had stood in the hallway just crying to herself. She could still hear the pelting rain coming down on the building as she stepped into the old, musty lift. The doors opened and the mirror on the back wall of the lift revealed her ridiculous appearance. Her mascara was smeared, her wet hair stuck to her face and her clothes hung dully from her body. She looked pathetic and she felt that way too. James' constant back and forth was driving her completely crazy. His mixed signals frustrated her – first he was sweet as sugar with her, setting up an incredible picnic in the park, only to throw it back in her face that her work was just a "detective game" and they had merely been fucking. Just the thought of his harsh words made her heart stab again.

But he apologised for it, Ava tried to ease the pain. Was that enough for her? She couldn't deny that the kiss with James had proven to her once again that it was already too late for her. She could hardly deny her feelings for James – she was hopelessly crushing on him, irrevocable enchanted by him.

Frustrated, she slammed her front door behind her and relieved herself of her wet and heavy clothes. She changed into something more comfortable and put the kettle on to warm herself up. As the water slowly began to boil, Ava pulled her phone out of her pocket. Sure enough, she had a new message from James:

"Sorry, that was a bit harsh. Didn't mean it that way. Talk later?"

Wow. Ava didn't know what she'd been expecting, but it had been a bit more than that. Did James think the issue was off the table with such a short and stupid message and she'd just forgiven him for his asshole ways? Exhausted, she put her phone aside and tucked away, as best she could, thoughts of James as well. She had to forget him, she wouldn't bear to have her heart broken one more time.