Komahina Angstober

Day 3:

Note: I based this off a tik tok I saw

It was one of those days for Nagito. He had woken up feeling awful. He had barely gotten any sleep, and his depression was at an all-time high. Sadness and fear were heavy weights on Nagito's shoulders, crushing him. It made it difficult to breathe. Nagito wished there were some rhyme or reason to these hard days, but it was completely random. Nagito was happy yesterday, in a good mood. But today, all that was flipped on its head.

Hajime, Nagito's fiancé, had noticed Nagito's off behavior, but Nagito had claimed he was fine, so Hajime had left for the store, leaving Nagito alone. Now Nagito was staring at himself in his bathroom mirror, contemplating everything. Why was he here? What was he bringing to the world? Why was he still alive?

About a year ago, Nagito was standing on the edge of a bridge, ready to throw himself in the water and be done with this. Done with the world, done with his poor mental health, done with his horrible luck. But Nagito's future fiancé had been passing by and saw what Nagito was about to do, and stopped him.

Now Hajime and Nagito were planning on getting married in a few weeks. Hajime had helped Nagito get through so much, and made days like today almost disappear completely. But sometimes, Nagito's mental health would kick him in the teeth, reminding Nagito that he was broken inside. These days brought him down for a couple of days before he could recollect himself.

Nagito stared at his reflection. He looked at his pale skin, his eyes that weren't pretty, his wild hair that was never tame. He was a mess. A walking disaster. He didn't deserve to be loved, especially by someone as amazing and beautiful as Hajime.

These thoughts started banging around Nagito's head, poking and prodding at his brain. He was ugly, he was selfish, he was insane, broken, psychopath, creep, unworthy, untalented. He didn't deserve to be loved. He deserved to die. He should die so Hajime could have someone better. He should bleed. He should die. He should kill himself. He should die. He should kill himself. He should die. He should JUST FUCKING KILL HIMSEL-

Nagito put his hands on his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. Why wouldn't these intrusive thoughts leave him alone? "SHUT UP!" Nagito screamed out loud, so loud that people on other floors of the apartment complex could probably hear him. "I'M NOT LIKE THAT!"

Nagito needed to get his thoughts under control. He had been to a mental hospital once for a suicide attempt, and he didn't want to go back. Nagito tried to remember what Hajime told him on how to get his thoughts under control. To tell himself good things about himself.

Nagito opened his eyes and stared at his reflection again. "You aren't a mess," he said quietly, not really believing it. "You aren't ugly. You aren't selfish. You're not crazy, you're not a creep!" Nagito punched the sides of the sink with each sentence, trying to nail the thoughts in his head. The words were gaining more volume as Nagito tried to force himself to believe. Force himself to believe the words were true. "You're not a disaster! You aren't unworthy or untalented! YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED!" He screamed the last one at the top of his lungs. He repeated it, trying to believe it, to make it sink in. "YOU. DESERVE. TO BE. HAPPY!" Then the tears fell as Nagito started sobbing. Why didn't he believe? Why did he hate himself so much?

"Nagito?" A voice asked. Hajime was home. Before Nagito could even try to stop crying and clean himself up, Hajime came rushing to the bathroom. He saw Nagito's face, saw his hands balled up into fists and getting bruises after hitting the sink so many times. Hajime didn't ask. Didn't say anything. He just stepped towards Nagito with his arms outstretched. Nagito gratefully accepted the embrace.

Nagito stood there in Hajime's arms, sobbing into his shoulder as Hajime ran his fingers through Nagito's hair. "Is it one of those days?" Hajime murmured. Nagito gave a small, "mmhmm." Hajime nodded in understanding.

"You'll be okay," Hajime said. "I know it's hard. You've hated yourself for a long time, it's a difficult streak to break. But I'm here now. I'm here to help you, I promise." Nagito nodded. He needed to remember that. That he wasn't alone in this world anymore. That people cared. That people wanted to help. That helped Nagito calm down.

Maybe he could do it. Maybe he could finally defeat the demons in his head who insisted on torturing him, with Hajime's help. With that thought in mind, Nagito smiled. He was confident that he and Hajime could conquer this together. That they could heal Nagito of his self-hatred.