ARRANGED (On Hold)

33) THE TALK

The next morning when I opened my eyes I felt a little better.

I supported my body on my elbows and raised myself and tried to sit.

Just when I stepped down the bed, the door was knocked and opened reveling a smiling shushant and a maid.

"Good morning." He said and took the tray from her hands.

He gestured the maid to go back. And kept the food on the coffee table.

"Come on, freshen up and then let's have breakfast."

I nodded and without saying anything I silently took my clothes and walked into the bathroom for a bath.

I quickly stripped off my clothes and stood under the shower head.

I started rubbing the body gel when I noticed a mark in my waist.
I quickly shut my eyes and turned around only to come face to face with a mirror.

My heart stopped and hesitantly I walked to the mirror and with trembling hands I wipped the mirror and looked at my body.

It had marks, it looked pale and weak.
As if  I had suddenly lost so much weight since that day.

I bit down on my lips trying not to cry. But my heart pained. I was feeling so many emotions at a time.anger, loath, disgust, frustration, tired, weak, confused .... dead?

"  No. No I can't I should not cry ....I deserve better. It wasn't my fault....and this cruing will do me no good....but just once.....just once I want to feel weak ...to cry my emotions...my frustrations out. "

And I did exactly that.
I cried.... opening the water tap , I cried , I grunted and finally collapsed on the floor. I don't know how much time I had cried but the knock on the door brought me back to reality.....and now I should woman up...I'm not weak. I should not cry but to make them cry who made me suffer......

And I'm done.....I'm done depending on others to  love me.....I should be my self lover ....right .... because I have no one love me

"No one" I whispered

What is there to cry anyway.

Was it my fault that i went to work with my boss? Or was it my fault that someone tried to rape me .

I was the victim and I shouldn't be ashamed that I tried to fight them.

If someone who should be ashamed then it should be them.

But this pain ....the pain of yet again being the unlucky one.
being The victim.
Haven't I suffered enough to gain some pity from God
Why have I always been the unwanted, मनहूस (bad omen)

And I'm frustrated being like this

"Shradha you fine?it's been too long you bring there."
Shushan's voice came in and cleared my throat.

"Just 5 minutes" I said trying to keep my voice Normal.

The next 5 minutes I scrubbed my body till it turned red.

Wore my clothes and finally came out to see shushant sitting on the bed.

He looked at me and smiled..

"Come eat something. You are lucky enough to eat food cooked by me." He came to me and held my hand and tugged me to the bed and opened the bed table and kept the plate on it.

"Flower?" I looked at him confused.

"Hmm fresh flowers to start a fresh day and to make you smile " he whispered the last part.