Cutie Pi

4*

I was sat in French, rather looking forward to my maths lesson next period. The book we're studying just seems to hit a little too close to home; a young girl, left to be self sufficient as her dad has to work and her mum is depressed from the death of her other daughter. There was mention of self harm and addiction and too many real memories were flashing through my head.

I began to feel sick, I noticed I wasn't breathing, I quickly asked the teacher if I could go to the toilet and I ran out of the class gaining a few odd glances from my classmates.

I ran as far as I could before the inevitable tears fell, I slid down the side of the wall, my breathing quickening as I felt my heartbeat in my throat and my shaking hands hid my face from the world.

The blood rush to my head meant I barely heard when someone called my name, I tried to open my eyes, compose myself so I could face the person, but a new wave of embarrassment and negative emotions hit me.

Suddenly I was lifted off the floor and as my lack of air became too much, the world went dark.

I'd had panic attacks before, but after a bad episode alone on the bus, feeling so trapped, whenever that horrible feeling starts to rise, my body shuts down, it's a form of protection I guess but it makes me feel even more dysfunctional.

I blinked open my eyes and found myself in Maths. Was it all a dream? I realised I was lying across 2 tables and I reached to pull down my skirt which was lying indecently. I sat up slowly, as Sir walked into the room. I blushed and began apologising but he just rushed to me, "Isla, I'm so glad you're okay, you had a panic attack, you were non verbal so I brought you here, into recovery position, do you remember what happened?"

I shook my head slowly, feeling very tired, I tried to muffle a yawn as his concerned eyes turned to amused. "Anxiety takes a lot out of you, I'll let you have a nap in the staff room, you don't need to come to maths today,"

I smiled sleepily in thanks, and felt myself being lifted again. I probably could have walked but as I wrapped my arms and legs around him, I felt so comfortable. I inhaled and my senses were flooded with the smell of paper and pine. I sighed as I snuggled into his neck slightly, forgetting where I was and what I was happening and who he was until I felt his chest rise and fall in a laugh. My face reddened to look like a tomato, especially when I realised one of his hands was supporting my bum.

I was definitely awake now, I wiggled slightly, enjoying the feeling I really shouldn't, I traced my nose along his collar bone. His breath hitched and his grip on me tightened and I smirked slightly in victory, "Isla, be careful," he warned in a low voice.

I froze, "What do you mean, Sir?" I murmured with false innocence.

His hand squeezed my upper thigh and I gasped, "It's Sam," was all he said, as he pushed open the door to the staff room. He sat down, me on his lap, and I felt myself turn even more pink as I looked into his eyes.

"What if we'd walked past someone and you were wriggling around like that," he said, gently stroking the traces of tears from my face.

I shrugged slightly, knowing this was wrong but feeling very comfortable and safe. I subconsciously leaned into his hand and he smiled, "Oh little one," I smiled to myself, loving the nickname. Even though I'm a teenager and I'm relatively tall for a girl, I love feeling small, remembering childhood when things were less bad, not that I can remember it very well, feeling like there's no responsibility and I can be free and looked after.

I noticed I was now sitting with my back to him as he cradled me, I snuggled against him as he watched me. "I'm sorry, Sir"

His eyebrows furrowed, "What for?"

I looked at my hands as my fingers intertwined anxiously, "For bothering you,"

"Little one, I'm only sorry you were in that state, panic attacks are horrible and very draining, I wouldn't have wanted you to be alone, is there anything I can get you?"

Without thinking I shook my head, leaning closer still, "Nu, I happy like this,"

His smile grew and his grip on me tightened, I felt as he placed his lips to my head and I shivered slightly.

"I have to go to class now, are you feeling up to it,"

I met his eyes and shook my head gently, " Okay, you stay here, and I'll come get you later, we can have a one to one catch up session of everything you've missed, okay?"

"Otay, tank you,"

He smiled fondly, adjusting us so he could stand up, I closed my eyes almost immediately feeling sleep take me, but not before I felt a pair of lips on my own, I couldn't help but grin as I heard footsteps heading towards the door.