Doubt

Chapter 1: A future chosen for you.

I was sat back in my chair running my pencil through my hair, the feeling of something other than your hand running down your skin always felt so different,  so nice. I was in math class not paying much attention, I would always daydream and look out the windows at the passing cars, I've always wondered what it would be like to not have the obligation to go to school. I always hated it, always waking up early to the cold winter mornings, scraping off the frost off the windshield and blasting the warm air to warm up the car. All of that effort to go to a place where no one would give you the time of day and hated your very existence. 

However I've always been told that there was always something more at the end of the road. Being in a religious household you're always taught of some powerful being that you cannot see who has undying love for you. It's always something that I have looked forward to, a place where you can always be happy, happy beyond your imagination.  

"Val!" I hear a shout from the front of the room. 

I jump up suddenly at hearing my name called, I look to the front of the room to see my teacher with his arms folded and impatiently stomping his feet. "What was that sir?" I respond sheepishly. 

"Answer the question." 

"Question?" I look puzzled. 

"Yes, what is the area of this circle?" 

"Uh" I stay silent for a couple of seconds. "I do not know sir." 

"Well maybe if you'd be paying attention you would know wouldn't you?" 

I look down at the ground. "Yes sir." I hated how teachers would do this, Point me out to the rest of the class to just embarrass me. The only good part of the day was when I would meet with my friends and talk about new video games coming out, movies and how well we played the night before. That was the only positive thing about going to school. I couldn't imagine how people would think of it otherwise. 

After a few minutes of the lecture I began to daydream again, I couldn't help it, my mind would just continually race and never stop.  I kept thinking of what I would it would be like after high school, I really wanted to go on a mission to preach this so called true gospel, not for the sake of the books and church themselves, but for just the sense of adventure and wonder I would get by going to an entirely different country, or state depending on what this great being decided.  I was really not fully convinced on if this great being was real or not, I just thought it was because I haven't had a true feeling shown to me. Which is what I was told would happen. 

I look across the classroom to see Sot one of my oldest friends looking back at me, doing funny faces as the teacher kept doing his lecture. I hold in my chuckle to avoid getting in trouble. He was just a tiny bit shorter than me, I was 5'11" he was about 5'9". 

Later that day at lunch period we were sat at the same table waiting for our other friends, we were talking about our game last night. I always enjoyed being in Sots company. He was always so energetic and hyper. We would also poke fun at each other saying that we hated each other and what not, but none of it was true. We truly enjoyed each others company. 

After talking to Sot the rest of the day went by a lot quicker. Once I got home I walked into my room and shut the door behind, sighed and  put on my headphones and laid in bed as I turned on my Xbox getting ready to play with Sot and my other friends. When all of a sudden my door is opened and my strict mother comes stomping in the room. 

"Val." She folds her arms. "Have you done your homework?" 

I grunt and look away. "Yes mom, I wouldn't be getting on otherwise." 

She looked at me approvingly. "You aren't playing with that Sot now are you?" 

"Why does that matter?" 

"I told you I don't want you near him." My mother did not approve of Sot, he was more feminine like. Wearing his hair like a girls and sometimes wearing stockings or some type of feminine stripe gloves.  She always thought that he was gay and that I would somehow fall in love with him or he would trick me, which she was only worried because I never dated any girls at my school. Yet it's not for the reason she thought, I just had no interest in dating in high school, I'm not gay and it's never even crossed my mind.  It's always strange to me, we were taught to love anybody regardless of what they were, where they came from or for whatever other reason. Yet for people like Sot, who was a bit different, it was never practiced. 

"Mom, he's not a bad influence." 

"Are you questioning me?" 

"No he's just a friend mom." 

She stomps over and stands in front of the TV. "Mr. You are not allowed to be around him understand?" 

"Why?" 

"Because I said so." 

I grunt and look up at her, whenever she said that, there was no changing her mind. I nod and she walks out leaving the door open. "Keep your door open." I scoff and go back to my Xbox. I just cannot wait to get out of this house, without my parents watching me constantly because they caught me watching some inappropriate video of people doing it. Which is not that big of a deal, but clearly it is to them. Ever since then I have had no privacy, I cannot pick my nose without my parents knowing of it. I just can't wait till I am free of this bullshit and can have control of my own lif.e