Eliot Strange and the Prince of the Resistance

34) Mr. Thomas - Protector of the Innocent

I have a gun and I am ready to shoot Mr. Thomas, called Clementine by his friends, in the face. Only, the motion of opening the door makes me dizzy. I hold on to it with one hand while the gun's in the other. Mr. Thomas has one hand up in the air like a stop sign and the other is clutching what looks like a hat. Before I can shoot him he says:

"Wait. Wait. Hear me out. I've got good news. He's alive."

"You found my dad?"

"No, not exactly. But evidence he's alive."

He shows me the hat. It is an old college baseball hat with Jack the Bulldog. One I'm sure my dad would wear, and maybe I even remember it a little, but I'm drunk and none of this makes sense to me.

"Why does this hat proves he's alive?" I ask. "There's a gazillion of those hats in the world." Well, maybe not a gazillion.

"It's his," he says. He takes a big whiff of the hat and says, "It even smells like him."

"Smells like him? Smells like him? Are you in love with my dad or my mom, make up your mind."

"I'm not in love with your dad," Mr. Thomas says blushing and adds, "Or your mom. Not that way, anyway."

"Me doth believe you protest too much, but nevertheless, how does a hat prove he's alive?"

"Because I saw it on his head, a few minutes before, you know, they blew the building up."

"And? Get on with the story. I've got better things to do tonight. Tonight is my night. And I am busy."

"I found this hat three blocks away."

"Could be that a big enough explosion blew it that far?"

"I don't think so. I don't believe so..."

Before he can finish his sentence. Gus yells from the back, "Come to bed gorgeous. I need you."

The look on Mr. Thomas's face is priceless. "Do you have a boy in here? I thought I heard voices talking before."

I turn to look in the direction of Gus's voice and then back to Mr. Thomas and whisper to him like I am telling him a secret, "Well actually, it's a man, not a boy. And he needs me." I tap myself to show him who is needed. "He needs me. But don't worry, it is not the prince. He's already gone back to England."

"What?"

"With Agent Reginald Lancaster," I add.

"Lancaster?" He acts like he recognizes the name. "Then who's that in there with you?" Mr. Noisy neighbor asks.

"None of your business," I say and slam the door in his face. "A lady never tells." I say to myself and yell back at Mr. Thomas, "And don't come back or I will shoot you."