Pure Writerly Moments 2 (Short Stories, Essays, Book Reviews, and More)

The NHK Man Reviews Haruki Murakami's 1Q84

Knock. Knock. Knock. Mr. Murakami, I know you're in there. I can see the lights on. I'm here to collect your NHK fee. If you receive the signal, then you have to pay the fee. You're a sophisticated sort of person, Mr. Murkami, so I'm sure you understand that. Not paying the fee is the same as stealing. You wouldn't want your readers to know that you are a thief, would you? In your novels, several of your characters receive the signal but don't pay the fee. This is also stealing. Even literary characters need to pay the fee. You've created quite a few characters over your many novels and none of them have been paying their fees all these years. That's quite a bit of stealing you've been doing.

Knock. Knock. Knock. It's me, Daniel. Mr. Murakami, did you think you could get rid of me? I read your book in the summer of 2021. There was the Corona pandemic, so there was a curfew. I often went to the Tsutaya Book Store on the 5th floor of Nagasaki Coco Walk and read there. But only until 8 p.m. Next to me was a man, Ushikawa. I believe you know him. Perhaps it is a sign of my fantasy, or perhaps it is a testament to your lively prose, that a character from your novel slipped out of your pages, manifested himself, stalked me to the Tsutaya bookstore, and then asked me if I could find Aomame in the pages of your book. He asked me if I'd seen the two moons. I informed him that we live in normal times and that if there were any less than three, we would be in trouble.

Knock. Knock. Knock. It's me again. Did you think you could get rid of me so easily? You know that the NHK are a persistent bunch, Mr. Murakami. You've written perhaps more than a dozen books. So many characters. The NHK is licking itself in anticipation of the fees these many characters will pay. The NHK is not a monster, Mr. Murakami! How dare you even think that! And yet, it has a tongue, not unlike a cow tongue awash in a river...it licks itself in anticipation. I will ask you to do the math, Mr. Murakami. Do you think we NHK employees have so much time that we can multiply all the fees that are due over so many characters under the charge of one person? You do not have to answer now. Just know that I will be back tomorrow with your answer. You will hear the same knock as today. I wonder, until you pay your NHK fees will you ever be comfortable hearing a knock on your door.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Mr. Murakami, it's me, Daniel. I am still at the bookstore. Tsutaya is such a pleasant place to be on a rainy day. Your book ended up being the perfect way to spend a rainy day. As for your character, Mr. Ushikawa, he is not the most unpleasant guest on a day like this. The deep pains of his private life mirror my own. I ask him if the weight of a life can be measured in novel pages. From the window of Tsutaya bookstore, there are now four moons. That's odd! But, oh well, it's no use shaking your fist at the world and screaming for it to make sense. I know that the NHK populates one of those moons. They have a base there from which they dispatch their many agents. The characters from your book populate another. It's possible that the grey one is made out of cheese. I say to Mr. Ushikawa, "I know Mr. Murakami hired you to follow me. Tell him that on the third moon, I'm collecting NHK fees. All 1,239 of them. On the second moon, I'm a hired killer for Tamaru, and on the first, I'm writing a standard book in dry, clear prose. Something that will wow the underwhelming talent that staffs the bureaucracies of the publishing companies.

Ushikawa is smiling at me, a big dumb smile. I knock on his wide, cartoonishly large forehead. Knock. Knock. Knock.

Then, I kiss him on his forehead.

"Give my regards to Mr. Murakami. Tell him, I'll leave his unpaid NHK fees for another time."