Blossoming Fissure | Tanjirou Kamado

23. Aoi, the medic

She didn't know why she tried.

For Aoi, every day was painfully rutinary, doing laundry, changing the sheets, mixing this and that ingredient by heart to get this or that antidote.

Wisteria, wisteria and more wisteria, all demons used their blood and the rest carved itself a place on the skin of all demon slayers that came to the Butterfly Estate, but wisteria was the opposite to it, to that sticky and dark, non-human, blood.

In her free time she wondered what it would be like to be in their place, what it would be like to have a sword in between her hands, on lazy afternoons where there was miraculously no laundry or people to take care of. She thought about it slowly and carefully, just like she did things.

How would it be to fight despite the fear? How would she feel after beheading a demon? Or even worse, before doing so?

These are questions that ate her up from the inside but that she wouldn't give any answer to, because no matter what, Aoi would always reach the same conclusion. She, surely, wouldn't like it.

But of course, that left her in a complicated situation, Because whatever happened, she was a member of the corps, it was no lie that she wanted to kill them all, that on her heart burnt the same feeling that burnt in her comrades', and that's to prevent the tragedy, to save others from suffering the same destiny her and many others did.

'There's another way' Shinobu told her, when Aoi threw herself at her arms, crying and trembling, after coming back from the Final Selection.

Because it was true that her and all her comrades held the desire of protecting and saving in their hearts, but what made Aoi different was that hers also held fear.

So now instead of wielding a sword she folded clothes, instead of cutting heads off she peeled potatoes and instead of facing demons now she faced the manager of the apothecary (she was sure he increased the prices every time he saw her and Kanao come in through the door).

'You can help in another way' Shinobu's words continued in her head, and Aoi knew that was true, it was something she constantly repeated to herself, but even so she wasn't able to-

"You don't know how it feels like! Don't touch me, leave me alone!"

The demon slayer must have had one or two partners with whom he bonded over time, just like how he must have had one or true siblings that were snatched away by demons before that.

It wasn't weird that the injured fell into hysteria after big battles and undescriptible losses, the worst ones were those who lost a hand, an arm or even their legs. The weight of defeat was enough to destroy their spirits, but what about the weight of what they lost forever? That was much bigger and would persevere longer than the pain of broken bones.

She wasn't usually given any thanks, except for exceptional cases like Tanjirou who were grateful for the rehabilitation, but most of them didn't even look twice at her and continued on their path without looking back. The clearest impressions she had of other demon slayers were angry outbursts after hearing news, which were usually bad.

But she didn't blame them for taking out their fury on her, she couldn't, she wasn't strong enough to.

What could she say to them? That she understood their pain and that everything would be alright? No, it wouldn't be true, because under all her curtness, under all her discipline and her cutting voice, Aoi was a complete and utter coward.