Borderline | Jeongchan

twenty-nine

It's no surprise that Chan can't sleep.

He had slipped into bed next to Jeongin after turning the lights off and the singer insisted on facing away from him. Chan lets him because even if Jeongin had asked him to stay, Chan knows that they still need their own space for the night. There are still unresolved dilemmas floating between them and the only reason they're pushing their talk back is because the composer wants his star to get a couple of hours of sleep. He looks like he hadn't slept peacefully for a while and Chan knows that he shared the sentiment.

Soon enough, it dawns onto Chan that it's almost instinct to him by now to pull the younger closer and he restricts himself from doing so, reminds himself that it's only for a little while more that Jeongin will be so close yet so far. He knows that Jeongin could feel him burning holes into his back, if the younger was still awake, but Chan can't do anything but to mull over everything that Jeongin had told him seemingly hours ago.

Jeongin loves him, that much doesn't come as too much of a shock to Chan.

And over the months, Chan had seen a lot of Jeongin's sides. He's seen the singer cry, seen him worried, seen him sulk and pout and whine, seen him happyㅡ he'd like to think that he made Jeongin happy. That seems to be the case.

But seen Jeongin scared? So scared of the backlash and the harsh comments about them? To the point that Jeongin was close to choking on tears and two words away from shaking like a leaf, nothing like the blinding and confident singer that the world knows him to be. Chan didn't like that sight. And as much as he wants to convince Jeonginㅡ convince himselfㅡ that those worries can be pushed aside, Chan knows it's not easy. He knows that Jeongin's worries are real.

Chan has seen it happen. Artists from his agency breaking up with their significant others when they're on the verge of being exposed. He's seen the articles and the comments of negative reactions to confirmed relationships, never mind if all of the people involved are celebrities or if only one of them are. But he's also seen the relationships that make it farㅡ that get past the backlash and stay together. He's seen the hate turn into support as soon as the public eye turns to other news. He knows where Jeongin is coming from.

Jeongin, who has the whole country wrapped around his right pinky finger and Chan wrapped around his left. Jeongin, who can do anything with a smile on his face and genuine excitement and interest in his work because he loves what he does and that love is reciprocated to him effortlessly. Yang Jeongin, the nation's sweetheart; of course he would be afraid of how the public would react.

Those may be Jeongin's worst fears, but Chan's more afraid of Jeongin pulling away again. He's more afraid of never getting to hold Jeongin again, never being able to kiss Jeongin again, never being able to be with him at all.

So Chan, for the life of him, will do anything to make sure that Jeongin will mirror his fears instead; because it's impossible to live life without fear, but Chan can at least try to change the things Jeongin is most scared of.

Jeongin shifts and turns to face Chan. If he's surprised to see Chan awake then he doesn't show it. He simply scoots a modicum closer to the songwriter.

"You're still awake?" Jeongin's voice is soft, and he's so close that if he sighed deep enough then Chan would feel it in his face. It's dark in the room but Chan can still confidently insist that Jeongin is blinding like this, when they're in the same bed and sharing the same space and it feels so right but not right enough because there are still things that they have to get out of the way.

Jeongin's fears, as well as Chan's.

"Jeongin..." Chan whispers. "Star..." Chan wants to extend his hand the few inches of distance there is between his and Jeongin's. "Are you going to continue to ignore me from now on?"