Within My Own Head

Lonely

I wish I could tell you I was happy
I wish I knew what that actually felt like
With the love slowly fading
I can feel my soul just giving up

I wish I could take a drug
That forever happy pill
But side effects include
Weight loss and suicidal thoughts

I try listening to music
But the words seem to attack me more
How does it feel to feel good enough
I continuously ask myself

I tell myself one day
While others hear it is what it is
I open to easily
And men love the taste of my blood

As soon as I enjoy their lips on my skin
I'm no longer good enough
I wish you could see past the body
But there's a reason why my soul hides

My body can be crumbled up like paper
My soul will always be the one to pick it up
Fix all the rips and wrinkles
And I search for my next destruction

I wish I could tell you I'm fine
I wish I could smile and believe
But what is love when your dad never even stayed
What is love when your family only talks over you

I shouldn't have to scream
Or send myself to a hospital
Just to get your attention
You won't see my scars I hide them too well

Ever feel so lonely
As winter hits you pray you survive
I do each year...
Christmas everyone is with family
While I'm in my head

What is a family
What is love
What is happiness

As I look around my empty cold room
I hear the door close behind me
My only escape now is a rope
Hanging from the ceiling