Fate or Chance: Beautiful Friendship

Intro-spection

"I want to find you and tell you. Today, I want to get to know you even more, yeah"

Every day, I see my brothers working extremely hard. We all give our blood, sweat, and tears during practice; while writing lyrics, composing music, and singing. Due to the corona, we must film all the performances. We're always trying to reach out to perfection, which is always running away from us, no matter how hard we tried. Nothing seems to be enough.

Right now, I'm exhausted, sitting on the dance practice room floor, watching them while they're trying to hold back their breath. We're having a small break, before our next practice. 

And it is now, in the middle of this chaos, when I notice it again. This kind of sensation, it's too awful. I'm so afraid of this unexplained anxiety. I just feel like emptiness embraces me. It makes me ask me again "Why?". "Why if we are all surrounded by a lot of people (a big crowd of them), why do I feel so lonely?" While I observe my hands' palms on my legs. I'll bet all of us, have felt the same at a certain moment, this path isn't any easy for anyone.

Lost in my thoughts, my bro' just bring me back to reality:

- What's up? Are you OK? - Yoon just sat in crossed legs in front of me - You look like a damn zombie.

- So sweet as always! - I said while combing my hair out of my sight - I was just trying to...

- To understand Tae-Tae? Impossible! Nobody could do it! - Interrupts me when softly laugh, pointing to the mentioned, who is playing some silly faces in the mirror as always. But even when he interrupted me, I appreciated it.

No matter how much I got to love them as our particular family version, I think they wouldn't be able to understand my mind. We all are in different frequencies. I'm pretty sure they always want me to keep my big smile and jokes pouring on them, but it is impossible.

Due to our singular way of living, we all had learned how to deal, or better said, how to avoid our business out sight. But even when our company has made a big deal by concealing them when went too loud to hide a couple of times. The company won't be able to deliver to us what we need. 

In the middle of my introspection, members started to talk to each other, then I notice how much have we change, more than ten years have passed away. Most of them used to be children, they started too soon, they didn't even have the chance to feel how does it feel to hug someone special. Maybe that was the main reason why some of them delivered feelings between them. I must admit that, even when it isn't my interest, I could understand them. 

They found someone to care about them, to make them feel important, other than an "Idol". They have fallen in love without even notice, at least them, because the rest of us, notice since the very beginning. Was difficult for them to accept themselves, to try so hard to surpass the different awkward situations that come in a relationship. Not even to mention, how hard was to them to share their feeling to the beloved one. Then fights, jealousy, fears, tears, and finally, they decided to keep them together, to protect and love each other.

Believe it or not, even when this was like the Divine Comedy itself, I felt a little bit of envy. At least their hands weren't as empty as mine. All of them learned how to replaced the lonely life we got. 

Yoon, aside from our practices; spends most of his time working in his studio; he even has personal hygiene items and groceries there. His regular partner is a producer, a friend of his. This guy is the only one, who can spend almost the entire day working with him, without a complaint. They have developed wordless communication, the only sound coming from there is the music when they're testing different sounds. Even when my brother never smiles, or said so, I'm sure he's happy to share with someone his work, and vocation.