''Ian Romero, the person I hate the most in the whole wide world. He turned the entire school against me, and then just left me alone in the hell he created.''
There's no one Cody Walker hates more than Ian Romero, who is the reason he has been bull...
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*Ian Romero's POV
I could almost literally see it happening. First there was a little crack in the glass wall that held in the water, then it started to spread out, letting out a trickle of water, until it gave in. The glass broke into small shards and water started pouring out like a tidal wave. Except in this case it happened to the person I loved more than anything.
Cody pulled his knees in, hugging his legs with his free hand. He hung his head, his curly hair covering his face. Then his breathing started to accelerate, each inhale getting sharper and louder.
"Cody, hey.." Needless to say, I was bewildered by that. My mind went in this sort of a panicky loop, where all I could think was: what did I do, what did I do, what did I do?
"I can't, I can't, I'm sorry.. I can't.." Cody sobbed between the gasps, his shoulders shaking and tears running down his cheeks. I dropped on my knees and embraced him tightly. His body was as tense as it was when I held him in an empty classroom last time.
"I'm.. sorry.. I lied." Cody's voice was so anguished, so vulnerable.
"Shh, it's okay." I tried to calm him down.
"No, you don't get it. Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay." Cody gushed and turned to look at me. The look in his eyes shattered my heart in pieces: it was so full undisguised despair and pure agony.
"You wanted to know the truth? This is how I feel. Every goddamn day. It hurts. All the time." Cody began, then halted to sob harshly, desperately.
"You told me to get angry. I was. I would have kept your secret, I was never going to tell. I thought you would do the same, but you outed me and made me a fool. I hated you, but what good did that ever do to me? The only thing that's actually made anything better is loving you, and that's all I'm asking for: to get to be with you and for them to leave me alone." Hearing that felt like someone was clenching my heart.
"Do I think mom is being unfair? Yes, of course. How little does she have to know me to not see how hurt I am? Just because I don't ask for it, I still need her. And I need dad too, but to them I'm only a selfish liar. I lie because I want to protect their feelings and because they don't believe me when I tell the truth. So yeah, it hurts to feel like I don't matter like Cole and Chloe do." Cody had stopped hyperventilating, but tears kept flowing down his cheeks.
"Why didn't I tell you what happened? Because I don't want to ruin everything, when we're finally happy. And I don't want to hurt you, when I already know you're blaming yourself for all this. And because I'm scared as hell, all the time." He continued, quietly.
"And you know what? I really thought university would be a fresh start to me. I managed five years thinking I would finally be free when I was out of secondary school, but no, of course they had to ruin this from me too. I hate them. I was nothing but kind to them, but they paid that back to me by making fun of me, leaving me to bleed out after they beat me unconscious. They just keep making me feel worthless and inferior over and over again. Then they leave me alone and make me believe it's finally over.." Cody shook his head.
"I truly hoped it was, but no, it never is. They'll keep toying with me as long as I'm breathing, that's all I'm good for. Snitching about them to the principal won't change a damn thing.. So, that's it, that's how I really feel." Then he started crying, like really crying.
I held him in my embrace as tightly as I could without hurting him. His body was all black and blue, a lot worse than I had prepared for. Cole had seen Cody changing his shirt this morning, in his room, thinking Cole was still fast asleep. The only one Cole could possibly think of wanting to hurt Cody — who was always so nice and polite to everyone — was his boyfriend. Me. But looking at my reaction to what he had just told me, he realised I really had no idea about any of it.
I had promised Cole I would never hurt Cody and I would never lay a hand on him, but in a way I had done so all these years. I had started this. I didn't mean things to go like they did, sure, but did that really change anything? I wanted to help him now, but what if the damage had already been done and I was just inexorably too late?
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." I whispered to him, kissing the top of his head, stroking his back, holding him, showering him with love and care. Eventually the sobs turned to sniffles and Cody leaned his head on my chest, closing his eyes.
"Cody?" I asked. He opened his eyes and looked up at me. I started playing with his curls absent-mindedly.
"We have to try. You're not alone, you have us now, and I can't bear the thought of losing you. I know your parents and your siblings would want this too, and so would your friends. We can't lose you. So please, can we try it one more time?" I was practically begging him.
"Okay." Cody gave in, blinking more tears from his already puffy eyes.
"Thank you. We'll do it tomorrow. And Cody?" I murmured to him. Cody glanced at me questioningly.
"I love you." I told him, making his eyes widen. Then he gave me a small smile.
"And Cody?" I asked again. He gave me the same look. "I think we should really get going now, it's getting late."
***
When we got back to Cody's, there wasn't just one Walker waiting for us. In fact, the second one had just ran to hug Cody — not noticing how that made him wince — and then studied her brother's face.
"Is something wrong?" Chloe frowned. I glanced at Cole and he answered the gaze, shaking his head slightly: Chloe didn't know about the bruises.
"No, no, I'm fine." Cody smiled. He had put his brave face on again, just to take care of his siblings.
"Uh-huh." Chloe was knitting her brows, still studying Cody's face skeptically. Then she shrugged and continued: "I'm sorry, but we're kind of in a hurry. Mom made me come and get Cole back home. Sheila is driving and she's waiting outside, so.."
"Yeah, that's good. You shouldn't keep her waiting." Cody smiled at her reassuringly.
Cole stayed back, studying Cody's face worriedly. Then he walked to us and wrapped his arms around his brother. He whispered something in his ear before letting go. Then Cole looked up at me and after a moment of hesitation hugged me too.
His eyes held a question, so I answered by forming the word with my mouth: later. And so Cole nodded, lifted his bag from the floor and followed Chloe outside.
"I'm going to bed." Cody muttered, taking off his shoes.
"It's not even 6 pm yet.. You should at least eat something first." I followed him to his room.
"No, thanks. I don't feel so good." He mumbled and slumped on the bed with all his clothes on.
So, all I could do was tuck him in and lay down on the bed next to him. I held him until he fell asleep, and only then did my night routines. I had started carrying a toothbrush and other necessities with me, so that I had no reason to decline an invitation for a spontaneous sleepover. Smart, huh?
After that I went back to bed, pulling Cody in my embrace. He was shivering, so I pulled the blanket to his chin, and I vowed to myself I would never let go of him again.
♡♡♡
Question of the day: What's your favorite proverb?
(Me: These are some of my favorites: absence makes the heart grow fonder and best things in life are free. Dunno, I use loads of proverbs in my native language, but I'd like to learn more English proverbs too.)
