One of Us

Schizophrenic Maniac, Underpants and Phone Calls

"I'm one call away, whenever you need me"

Picture above is Jaxon Henderson

Schizophrenia, according to the National Institute of Health is a serious mental illness that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. It basically means you're delusional, disorganised, abnormal.

A person with schizophrenia is called a schizophrenic person, or in terms of Jaxon Henderson, a schizophrenic maniac.

That was the last thing he called me before we broke up.

"You're being delusional! I didn't cheat on you with Lexi! Why do you always have to assume the worst out of me?" He screams at me.

"Lexi wouldn't lie to me." I scoff.

"So, you'd believe your best friend over your boyfriend?" Oh hell, he isn't bringing this topic up. This happens all the time.

"It's not my fault my boyfriend is not as trustworthy as my best friend." It's true. Lexi has had a crush on Jaxon since 5th grade. But unfortunate for her, I also did. We never fought over it though, we were cool about it anyways. 3 months ago, Jaxon asked me out, and I told him to give me time. I didn't want to lose my best friend over a boy.

"You do realize that even If I cheated on you with Lexi, then it means that she cheated you as well." No she didn't, she came running to me immediately. She was in tears, she thought she betrayed me. Lexi could never. I completely believed, no, I completely believe her.

I didn't think that Jaxon would use Lexi's love for him to take advantage of her. What's even worse is that Lexi is my best friend. A best friend who cares so much about me. A best friend who couldn't keep any secret from me, just because the guilt would weigh her down.

I didn't think Jaxon would stoop so low. It's disgusting.

"I'm going to say it again, you're being delusional. Get your brain checked, Natalia, you're acting like a schizophrenic maniac."

That was a line he should not have crossed.

"We're done." I say monotonously and walk off.

Mic drop.

"Hey Nat!" Lexi says, waving at me like a girl possessed. Post pregnancy can make a girl act crazy. A huge grin takes over my face. I run towards her and link my hand with hers. "Want to go to Dunkin'Donuts?" She asks.

"You already know the answer to that, Lexi."

———x———x———x———

"Nonna! Sono a casa!" I scream from the door.

"Sono in cucina!" I can hear her scream back. That woman might be 58, but she still has a lot of energy left in her. She ain't leaving Earth anytime soon. I can see my brothers in the kitchen gathered around her, helping her cook dinner. I leave my bag on the sofa and make way to the kitchen.

"Com'era la scuola?" She asks me. "Non importa, cosa stai cucinando?" I reply. She laughs, "Risotto, now go help Ilarndo y Carlos to set up the food." She says in English, her Italian accent thickening her speech.

"Si Nonna, anything for you." I say, kissing her cheek and grabbing a few plates. There's no dining table in our home, we just sit on the floor of the living room and eat. Cody comes in and switches on the TV. He opens Netflix and Captain Underpants starts playing.

It's a family tradition, whenever we eat dinner, Captain Underpants must be on TV, it apparently helps you not lose your appetite and helps you digest your food and eat faster.

Besides, everybody loves a superhero who wears his underpants properly, that is, before his pants. But then again, Captain Underpants doesn't wear pants.

But seriously, what is up with superheroes who wears their undies after they wear their pants? It's weird, and really awkward. I mean, what if someone randomly pantsies you, or gives you a wedgie?

Ok, don't answer that question. That would be public humiliation. Or would it be pubic?

Agh, no. Please, somebody stop me.

I am on a roll that I don't want to be on.

Would that roll be a toilet paper roll?

Someone call 911. Stat.

By the time I finish arguing with myself in my head, the plates are set on the floor with the delicioso smell of mi Nonna's Risotto filling up the room. And of course, Mr Krupp. Everyone sits down to eat, and we end up laughing at Melvin Sneedly and his PumpItUpinator 2000.

My day could not get any better.

I should not have said that, things tend to get worser whenever someone says that.

Dinner is over, we've cleaned the floor and the kitchen, and now everyone has gone to mind their own business. A regular day in the Giovanni-Fernandez familia.

I take my bag and step outside, deciding to work on my homework. The cool evening breeze hits my face, and I shiver. I'm not a big fan of the cold, but I'd rather be out here than inside.

I can see the Henderson's having dinner opposite to me in their home, no, house. I wonder if Jaxon regrets something, anything, everything he's done to me.

Knowing Jaxon, he probably forgot that I exist.

Removing my mind from those depressing thoughts, I look at the huge book on my lap. It's my History textbook. I'm supposed to write an essay on the Fall of the Roman Empire.

A.K.A the invasion of barbers.

I have never looked at barbers the same way after I read this lesson. How did they even manage to invade one of the most strong empires in the entire world? With scissors? Hair clips? Shears?

This is more crazier than Iron Man owning Area 51.

I open my history notebook and start drafting an essay, though I have no clue on what I'm exactly doing. Things are starting to look up, I've got the basic structure, and I could scrape an A- for this.

"Alia! There's someone on the phone for you!" I can hear one of my brothers screaming from inside.

Who in the nine planets could be calling me at this ungodly hour? I close my notebook, and go inside, and take the phone call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, is this Natalia?"

"Yes, and this is..."

"Jayden Parker, um, you looked at my car a few days ago."

"How did you get my number?"

"That doesn't matter. Listen I need a favor from you."

"Give me one reason why I should help you in anyway possible."

"Please don't argue with me."

"...."

"Go on a date with me."

"EXCUSE ME, WHAT?"

well, let's pretend today is Saturday.